23
Jun
11

Time To Move On To Greener Pastures, Kids

Christ I’ve been putting this off for ages, but I think it’s finally time I got my shit together and actually started blogging on www.slicktiger.co.za

So don’t come back here anymore! I mean it! We’re done here, it’s time to move onto bigger and better things!

From now on you can hit www.slicktiger.co.za for my daily rantings and unbelievably radass posts.

Ya got that? Lemme reiterate in bigger letters so we’re all on the same page here:

 

www.slicktiger.co.za 

 

I had all these plans to relaunch the site and make it 500 times more badass, but you gotta take these things in baby steps, so let’s just head on over to the new site (which right now looks EXACTLY like the old site) and take things from there.

See ya on the other side…

 

 

-ST

22
Jun
11

Treefiddy Review: The Kills – Blood Pressures

Ok, so I’m a little late with this one (the album officially launched in April) and for awhile I wasn’t going to write a review because once an album is older than a month it’s old news to cool kids like us, but I’m making an exception this time around.

 

 

Which is the long way around of saying this album is fucking awesome.

The Down Lizzo:

Alison Mosshart pissed me off when I heard her sing in the Jack White-lead supergroup The Dead Weather because it felt like she was faking it. Her vocal style and stage persona seemed contrived, something between Marla Singer and PJ Harvey, and it never sat right with me.

 

 

Then I stumbled on The Kills latest album Blood Pressures and literally one minute into the first track I found myself grinning from ear because of how dark and cool Mosshart sounded. Like butter wouldn’t melt on her tongue, like she was everything sexy and dangerous in this world, like she could kill you with a look or break you with a smile.

The Kills is her band, her little broody-beautiful world that she shares with guitarist Jamie Hince and there’s something about the fuzz and the mud and the malevolence and the majesty of it all that haunted me and continues to haunt me with every listen.

 

Sick Tracks:

Pick one. Go ahead. Close your eyes, wave your finger around and literally let it fall where it may and whatever plays will be awesome.

“You Don’t Own The Road” saunters like a drunk cowboy waving his six shooter with the safety off, “DNA” stalks purposefully through the woods at dusk, picking its way through an undergrowth of drumsticks clattering against drumsticks whilst wading through a quagmire of swampy basslines.

“Baby Says” has the melancholy of a Cowboy Junkies track, a lilting melody to keep you company in the hollow hours before sunrise, a song that echoes back to better times.

 

 

But “Future Starts Slow” is still my favourite. Stark, defiant, sexy, it has a drum track that plays like a striptease and one of the simplest, most powerful riffs I’ve heard in a good long while.

 

Should You Give A Shit:

I loved this album, but what the hell do I know? I got a dark streak a mile wide that this album really speaks to but that doesn’t mean you’ll love it anywhere near as much as I do.

If nothing else, it’s a great example of how simple, stylised riffs (played with truckloads of badass fuzzy effects) layered with amazingly complex drums and sultry, provocative vocals can seduce you to the point of infatuation.

If you want to know what the music playing in the jungles of my Tiger-mind sounds like, get your hands on this album and if you’re anything like me, pretty soon it’ll be playing through the jungles of your mind too.

Here’s “DNA” to sink your fangs into.

 

[audio: https://slicktiger.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/6-dna.mp3%5D

 

Final Verdict: 9/10

-ST

21
Jun
11

SlickTiger Industries presents: Awesome Work Time-Wasters!

Think about how much shit we can DO in one day thanks to the advent of the internet, emails and direct messaging communication.

I mean holy shit, what took our grandparents two weeks to do (ie. writing, posting and receiving a letter) we can now hammer out in literally 3 minutes and we don’t even have to use VOWELS mthrfkkr!

But where’s the goddamn upside I ask you with tears in my eyes? All that time that we’re saving ourselves, we just fill it with more work, what a load!

Well, I say it’s high time we stick it to the man and take back what is rightfully ours! From now on every time I find an awesome work time-waster I’m posting the link up on this site and filing it in the new category I’ve created on the right called “Awesome Work Time-Wasters”.

Hold my hand. Let’s goof off for awhile. Starting with this little gem I found the other day called “Solipskier”.

 

 

Hit this link and make sure no one’s walking behind you as you jam this fucking intense stickman / skiing game and try to break my all time high score of 1,173,996 (see below for proof).

 

 

And feel free to submit your favourite time wasters as well (tellthetiger@gmail.com) and let’s see how quickly we can all get fired!

-ST

20
Jun
11

Baba Indaba Attempts World Record, The Tiger Throws Up In His Mouth A Little

We don’t have a TV so it’s been awhile since I’ve been exposed to the wonder that is South African television advertising and I’m a little sad about that.

I love SA TV ads because (with one or two exceptions) they are really, really, really terrible and almost always leave me staring in utter disbelief at the screen or canning myself at how goddamn retarded people are.

 

 

But on Saturday night I watched an ad so unbelievably unbelievable that the second it was over I jumped off the couch and shouted, “Did you just see that?! Tell me you just saw that!?” at J-Rab who nodded mutely, on the verge of lapsing into full-blown catatonia.

The ad was for the upcoming Baba Indaba where they are going to attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the most number of moms breast-feeding at the same time under one roof.

 

 

Call me an insensitive, immature asshole but MY GOD! How DISGUSTING is that?!

Thousands of pregnant women of all ages, sizes, creeds and colours whipping their swollen mammaries out at the same time while their young suckle at them hungrily like the little parasites they are.

Jayzuz, even writing about it is making me feel ill.

Also, how the hell do you POLICE something like that? I mean the previous world record was set in the Philippines where no less than 3 541 woman “breasted” at the same time!

 

 

Three and a half thousand! You’d need a team of literally hundreds of officials walking around making sure the moms weren’t faking it to verify that shit.

How humiliating for the moms, it’s like “Sorry ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to lift that blanket.”

“What? What blanket? This blanket?”

“Yes, that blanket.”

“Why, there’s nothing to see under here, just junior having his lunch, that’s all…”

“The rules state I have to actually see the breast in his mouth while he swallows ma’am, otherwise you’re disqualified.”

I’m sorry, I know this is a sensitive topic and everything and sure, it’s all for a good cause, I get that, but still, bleaugh!

And the funniest part of it is they show this visual in the ad that’s basically identical to the one below:

 

 

“Yummm”, seriously? Who are they trying to sell this to?!

What mother is so stupid that she doesn’t know babies like breastfeeding?

“The baby’s saying ‘Yummm’! I get it! It’s saying ‘Yummm’ because it likes milk! Wow, I’m going to try that RIGHT AWAY!”

Also, think about this – when women breastfeed, oxytocin and prolactin, hormones that relax them and make them feel more nurturing toward their little grubs, are released.

So, if all goes according to plan, at Baba Indaba there will be over three and a half thousand women having the lactate furiously suckled from them at the same time while an ocean of feel-good hormones go racing through their brains, creating a gigantic rush of pure mammalian euphoria that will ripple through Nasrec like a wave of MDMA through a trance fest dance floor.

Huh. Come to think of it, that sounds pretty awesome. Wonder if they’ll fly me up there and swing me free tickets after this awesome post I’ve given them…

-ST

17
Jun
11

Mike Scott Is A Genius

All I’m doing today is posting a Goldfish video.

Yeah, yeah, I know this kind of commercial, mainstream, dancey-pop isn’t what I usually go for but Goldfish is definitely one of the better SA bands out there and one of the few whose music I can listen to without wanting to take a baseball bat to my stereo (if I listened to commercial radio I’d probably hate them though, I hear they get played to DEATH on pretty much a daily basis).

But enough of that. The reason I’m writing this is because Mike Scott is a genius.

I went to prep school and varsity with the dude and even when he was a kid, he used to draw the sickest, funniest cartoons.

I’ve still got an A4 piece of paper somewhere with some of his early scribblings… wonder if it’ll be worth anything one day (should probably dig it out and frame it or something. Even back then you can see it’s Mike, he started developing his big-lips, crazy-eyes style from very early on).

The story I remember reading somewhere was that back in 2009 Mike just went ahead and animated a music video for Goldfish and sent it through to the band and the guys fucking loved it and now they use him to do all their videos.

I used to read his cartoon “Bru & Boegie” every day and I loved the shit out of it, even the completely random ones he did that looked like they literally took about 2 mins to draw. Some of it was hysterically funny and some of it was downright tortured and some of it just made total sense to me in the way it made no sense to me.

He stopped for a long time and moved onto bigger things, like the video below which is fucking melting faces all over the world with its undeniable awesomeness.

Enjoy!

 

Check Mike’s site out here for more of his work. He’s a busy, busy guy but he’s doing what he loves and making a HUGE name for himself.

Keep on keepin’ on Mike and maybe one day those scribbles of “The Buttheads” you did back in prep school that I still have kicking around somewhere will put my kids through college Winking smile

-ST

16
Jun
11

The Damage

It’s nearly half past three in the morning as I write this on the 16th of June, Youth Day, J-Rab’s birthday.

It was a night that started out like many others have, with some vague plans to meet up and have a couple drinks with some friends, the few that we have in Cape Town, and see where the night might take us from there.

As is often the case with my life whenever crazy shit goes down, it was Captain Albatross that sparked everything off. I was sitting at work, the sky completely clouded over and black as the pit from pole to pole when he called, cackling down the phone like the maniac he is.

I love that man. He’s family. But God knows he’s out of his fucking mind.

At first I thought it might be a full moon. They call them ‘lunatics’ for a reason, people like the Captain. But it was much worse than that. An eclipse supposedly happened tonight but none of us saw it.

We were too busy ordering drinks. Drink after drink after drink. Spirits. They call them that because when you swallow them something else starts to take over, something that isn’t you, and if you push it far enough you black out completely and for those murky hours to follow you change, and every bad thing inside you comes out.

By the time we met up with the Captain, it was already too late. He was two hours into his own private party and literally settled his tab moments after we arrived and left.

Deus absconditus. Loaded the dice and left the game.

Barbarian joined us at that exact moment and the feeling was good. The three of us, J-Rab him and I drank a drink or two. We talked a gigantic load of shit, we laughed and we drank more.

Me, I had a good buzz going. I kept it tapping along. That overwhelming need to drink myself out of myself was far, far away. It has been for some time. I must be getting old.

I was just enjoying the company of the people around me, listening to them get louder, smiling politely.

Fast forward to three hours later and all around me there was damage.

It was just people falling over other people, falling over other people. It was just shouting and spitting. It was just drinks tipping over and smashing to pieces on the floor, while cigarette smoke hung like a shroud of death above us all.

I wished I was more drunk but I was glad that I wasn’t. I’m the only person who’s going to remember what happened, but I was fine with that.

Until I got into the car to drive the three blocks between there and home and I started to think.

The people I choose to give a shit about, they are damaged, all of them. They have been bludgeoned by chance more than once and sometimes I feel like I have to squint to see them beneath all the scars.

It kills me, it really does, how ill equipped we to deal with this life. How innocent and pure we are at the beginning and what happens to us after that.

It’s a fucking hard life for us all, but instead of accepting that fact and trying to make it easier for one another we deny it and try to pretend that our lives are so much better than the next person’s and we are so much happier, so much more successful, so much more fulfilled.

We care so much about what other people think that we fail to see that they’re just as fucked up as we are.

We damage ourselves, we damage the people around us and we are damaged by them in return.

I saw that damage tonight, ugly as it was, and wished I could have done something to have prevented it or fixed it in some way, but I can’t.

None of us can. It’s just life. And tomorrow we’ll all wake up nursing aching heads and tongues dry as sawdust and we’ll just carry on with our lives, brush our teeth and pretend everything is fine and nothing ever happened.

Life is easier with the blinkers on.

If you’re lucky enough to afford that luxury.

-ST

15
Jun
11

Treefiddy Review: Arctic Monkeys – Suck It And See

Is this going to be an unbiased, objective review based on irrefutable, well-researched facts? Fuck, no! I love the goddamn Arctic Monkeys!

But if it’s any consolation, I know every album this band has ever recorded like the village drunk knows the sidewalk outside his favourite tavern so I can at least assess their latest offering having done my homework Winking smile

 

 

The Down Lizzo:

Arctic Monkeys made a name for themselves by perfecting the art of writing gigantic, energetic hooks and hammering them home effortlessly.

Then came Humbug, one of the first albums I ever reviewed on this site and with it, a complete departure from the sound they had carved out for themselves in their first two albums.

They enlisted Josh Homme from Queens Of The Stone Age to produce Humbug and with his help their sound changed almost completely from infectious indie to dark, moody desert rock and God knows! I fucking love desert rock Winking smile

 

 

Did they like the direction Homme guided them in? As dark and compelling as it was, were they happy with Humbug?

Give Suck It And See a listen and it’s pretty damn obvious that the answer to those questions is undoubtedly “yes”.

 

Sick Tracks

The first time around “Brick By Brick” with its simple chord structure, dirty guitar licks and harmonious chorous is a winner, but after repeated listens the lyrics and Turner’s vocal lines get a little weak.

“I wanna steal your soul / Brick by brick / I wanna rock and roll / Brick by brick / I wanna rock and roll / Brick by brick / I wanna rock and roll” are definitely not his best lines which is a pity because it’s a great song otherwise.

“All My Own Stunts” on the other hand, though it’s strikingly similar to “Potion Approaching” off Humbug is a great track. It has a cowboy twang to its chorous and a bassline that moves insidiously beneath the surface lending the song a powerful menace that Turner’s vocals compliment perfectly.

 

 

“Don’t Sit Down Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair” is the most powerful desert rock anthem on the album, a great and wasted track that comes on like a bad peyote trip and peaks like the cleanest MDMA you ever tasted.

There is more, much more. This album has a lot of meat to it, plenty to sink your teeth into and it gets better with every listen.

 

Should You Give A Shit?

Give a shit my friends, give more than a shit. Give two shits because while I have yet to decide if this is their best album to date (Humbug will always have a soft spot for me) it’s a spectacular effort from a band that I have the utmost respect for.

Here’s “All My Own Stunts” to play us out. Take it away boys.

 

 

Final Verdict: 8/10




A Word From The Kind Folks At Nokia

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