Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category


Time To Move On To Greener Pastures, Kids

Christ I’ve been putting this off for ages, but I think it’s finally time I got my shit together and actually started blogging on

So don’t come back here anymore! I mean it! We’re done here, it’s time to move onto bigger and better things!

From now on you can hit for my daily rantings and unbelievably radass posts.

Ya got that? Lemme reiterate in bigger letters so we’re all on the same page here: 


I had all these plans to relaunch the site and make it 500 times more badass, but you gotta take these things in baby steps, so let’s just head on over to the new site (which right now looks EXACTLY like the old site) and take things from there.

See ya on the other side…





Mike Scott Is A Genius

All I’m doing today is posting a Goldfish video.

Yeah, yeah, I know this kind of commercial, mainstream, dancey-pop isn’t what I usually go for but Goldfish is definitely one of the better SA bands out there and one of the few whose music I can listen to without wanting to take a baseball bat to my stereo (if I listened to commercial radio I’d probably hate them though, I hear they get played to DEATH on pretty much a daily basis).

But enough of that. The reason I’m writing this is because Mike Scott is a genius.

I went to prep school and varsity with the dude and even when he was a kid, he used to draw the sickest, funniest cartoons.

I’ve still got an A4 piece of paper somewhere with some of his early scribblings… wonder if it’ll be worth anything one day (should probably dig it out and frame it or something. Even back then you can see it’s Mike, he started developing his big-lips, crazy-eyes style from very early on).

The story I remember reading somewhere was that back in 2009 Mike just went ahead and animated a music video for Goldfish and sent it through to the band and the guys fucking loved it and now they use him to do all their videos.

I used to read his cartoon “Bru & Boegie” every day and I loved the shit out of it, even the completely random ones he did that looked like they literally took about 2 mins to draw. Some of it was hysterically funny and some of it was downright tortured and some of it just made total sense to me in the way it made no sense to me.

He stopped for a long time and moved onto bigger things, like the video below which is fucking melting faces all over the world with its undeniable awesomeness.



Check Mike’s site out here for more of his work. He’s a busy, busy guy but he’s doing what he loves and making a HUGE name for himself.

Keep on keepin’ on Mike and maybe one day those scribbles of “The Buttheads” you did back in prep school that I still have kicking around somewhere will put my kids through college Winking smile



The Damage

It’s nearly half past three in the morning as I write this on the 16th of June, Youth Day, J-Rab’s birthday.

It was a night that started out like many others have, with some vague plans to meet up and have a couple drinks with some friends, the few that we have in Cape Town, and see where the night might take us from there.

As is often the case with my life whenever crazy shit goes down, it was Captain Albatross that sparked everything off. I was sitting at work, the sky completely clouded over and black as the pit from pole to pole when he called, cackling down the phone like the maniac he is.

I love that man. He’s family. But God knows he’s out of his fucking mind.

At first I thought it might be a full moon. They call them ‘lunatics’ for a reason, people like the Captain. But it was much worse than that. An eclipse supposedly happened tonight but none of us saw it.

We were too busy ordering drinks. Drink after drink after drink. Spirits. They call them that because when you swallow them something else starts to take over, something that isn’t you, and if you push it far enough you black out completely and for those murky hours to follow you change, and every bad thing inside you comes out.

By the time we met up with the Captain, it was already too late. He was two hours into his own private party and literally settled his tab moments after we arrived and left.

Deus absconditus. Loaded the dice and left the game.

Barbarian joined us at that exact moment and the feeling was good. The three of us, J-Rab him and I drank a drink or two. We talked a gigantic load of shit, we laughed and we drank more.

Me, I had a good buzz going. I kept it tapping along. That overwhelming need to drink myself out of myself was far, far away. It has been for some time. I must be getting old.

I was just enjoying the company of the people around me, listening to them get louder, smiling politely.

Fast forward to three hours later and all around me there was damage.

It was just people falling over other people, falling over other people. It was just shouting and spitting. It was just drinks tipping over and smashing to pieces on the floor, while cigarette smoke hung like a shroud of death above us all.

I wished I was more drunk but I was glad that I wasn’t. I’m the only person who’s going to remember what happened, but I was fine with that.

Until I got into the car to drive the three blocks between there and home and I started to think.

The people I choose to give a shit about, they are damaged, all of them. They have been bludgeoned by chance more than once and sometimes I feel like I have to squint to see them beneath all the scars.

It kills me, it really does, how ill equipped we to deal with this life. How innocent and pure we are at the beginning and what happens to us after that.

It’s a fucking hard life for us all, but instead of accepting that fact and trying to make it easier for one another we deny it and try to pretend that our lives are so much better than the next person’s and we are so much happier, so much more successful, so much more fulfilled.

We care so much about what other people think that we fail to see that they’re just as fucked up as we are.

We damage ourselves, we damage the people around us and we are damaged by them in return.

I saw that damage tonight, ugly as it was, and wished I could have done something to have prevented it or fixed it in some way, but I can’t.

None of us can. It’s just life. And tomorrow we’ll all wake up nursing aching heads and tongues dry as sawdust and we’ll just carry on with our lives, brush our teeth and pretend everything is fine and nothing ever happened.

Life is easier with the blinkers on.

If you’re lucky enough to afford that luxury.



This Is The Four Hundredth And First Post On This Site

And man, what a ride it’s been Winking smile

Sadly I missed the fact that yesterday’s post was number 400, I knew I was fast approaching that milestone, I’ve gotten into a solid routine these past few months of posting every weekday at 8.30 and the numbers have been adding up fast.

It’s a great thing this junkyard site, the greatest project I ever embarked on and though it’s still very much in it’s infancy, it’s clocking up between 400 and 500 hits a day on average and continues to grow, slowly, like a troop of mushrooms pushing up through the asphalt of the information super highway.

I get nostalgic at moments like these because I never thought these fightin’ words would ever reach so many people in such a short space of time and that they’d keep coming back for more.

That’s the greatest thing about blogging. You can cook up the weirdest fucking post, you can go way, way out there on a limb and bang out the craziest shit you can think up and someone out there will read that piece of sheer insanity and not only like it, but understand exactly where you’re coming from.



I am constantly surprised by the comments people write on this site and how fucking cool they are, it’s a daily reminder that there are good people out there despite what a lot of people would have you believe.

It’s for those people that I stay up until the early hours or wake up while the world’s still dark and like some kind of mad scientist, cook up a fresh batch of fightin’ words to serve to them, piping hot and full of fury.

I’d like to always be here, fighting the good fight, even when I’m old and worn out, reliving the glory days when we were young and bursting with fresh ideas and ways to change the world and when I die, I want this site to exist until the end of time, floating around in the ether of cyberspace like some great and rusted old spaceship.

And somewhere in the bowels of that gigantic, belligerent tetanus-shot-waiting-to-happen, this song will echo through the empty spaces long since abandoned by the friends that used to gather there and shoot the breeze.



Four hundred and one posts in and life’s just begun.

Ain’t that wonder Winking smile



SlickTiger Rocks The Xbox Kinect (week3)

After the lambasting I gave the Xbox Kinect system in my last review (read all about it here) I thought it only fair to give it another shot and try not to be such a judgemental prick about it just because I was finding it near impossible to get the pics the Kinect had taken off the bladdy thing.

The good news is I finally figured out how to do it, the bad news is I spent about 30 mins painstakingly uploading at least 15 hilarious photos the Kinect Adventures game had taken of us (One. By. One), but when I hit to get the pics there were only 3 (?).

So yeah. Here they are.





There were much. much better ones of people of all races jumping, ducking and generally making complete asses out of themselves I could have used but it’s too late now.

See, I’ve been connecting to X-Box Live using a 3G card which is a bit of a mission so to go back and do it all again (I’ve already assumed the SlickTiger horizontal blogging-in-bed position) is just plain not gonna happen.

For those of you wanting to connect using a 3G card, here’s how:

2. Connect the Xbox to your PC using the ETHERNET CABLE
3. Turn the Xbox on
4. Put your 3G modem into your laptop
5. Go to Control Panel and dig around for “View Network Connections”
6. Right-click on your 3G connection and check out “Properties”
7. In “Properties” click the “Sharing” tab
8. Tick the box that reads “Allow other network users to connect through this computer’s Internet connection
9. In the drop down menu under that option select “LAN Connection”
10. Connect to the internet like you normally would with your 3G modem
11. Dig around for “Network Settings” in the menu on your Xbox
12. Select “Test Connection” (I’m not actually at the Xbox so you’ll have to figure this part out yourself, but just make sure the Xbox is set to automatically detect the IP address and all that stuffs)
13. Hey presto! The Xbox should automatically configure all the settings it needs and badda bing badda bang you should connect to Xbox Live

Now you see why I’m not getting up to go and try get better pics of us making tits of ourselves. AFTER that you still need to fire up the game itself (in this case, Kinect Adventures) go to “Showoff and Share”, select your pics and upload them to

Then you have to visit to download or share them with Facebook. Easy as pie if you have the patience of a monk and an hour to kill.



In fairness, the whole process would have been a LOT easier if I just had a fixed ADSL line into our flat, but I’m so dirt broke I’m eating stray cats these days. “Installing an ADSL line” is right below “selling a kidney” on my to do list at the moment.

Anyway, after some careful thought I figured out why I got bored with the Kinect system so quickly and it has to do with the games.

Once you’ve played them once the only challenge left is to try and beat your personal bests and because of this they start to feel a little repetitive after awhile.

They’re brilliant fun if you have people over and make awesome party games but I’d be really interested to see how they use the Kinect in games that actually change and evolve as you play them, like the new Harry Potter game for example.



My final verdict is I think the Kinect has HUGE potential as a gaming system that game developers haven’t even begun to unlock yet. Keep in mind that the first generation of games that were released for the Kinect were developed in roughly 6 months to be ready for its launch.

Given a bit more time I think we’ll see some killer titles coming out for the Kinect that will immerse gamers in a way they couldn’t even dream of right now.

If you’ve got a little money to burn and are looking for an awesome way to have some fun with your mates that doesn’t involve pure cane spirit, midgets, inhuman amounts of mescaline, phallic vegetables and a nervous ferret, the Xbox Kinect system is totally worth it.



I finally Know What’s Missing From My Life

I’ll admit to sometimes feeling a little unfulfilled in my life, there’s no shame in that. I think it’s only human nature to feel like there’s something missing from your life from time to time, even if you’re loaded to the gills with money, have the funnest job in the world, date five supermodels and have a mansion on every continent with another few stashed away on tropical islands just for good measure.

But how awesome is it when you finally figure it all out, that thing that was missing from your life, and can actually put a plan in place to get that thing, whatever it may be.

What’s missing from my life is a GIANT FUCKING SWORD THAT WILL CUT THROUGH ANYTHING and I’m pretty confident that, after watching this clip, you’ll agree (sorry the quality is total crap, I tried to embed directly from the Tosh.0 site but it didn’t work).



What really sold me on this weapon of mass destruction was the part where he slices through the watercooler. As one of only two men in an office of about 27 women it has become my duty to change the watercooler which I was totally fine with for the first few months.

But goddamn! girls drink a lot of water! What the hell is wrong with you people?! Have you never heard of the health benefits of coffee, soft drinks or alcohol stashed conveniently under your desk?! Why all the water all the time? I change that water cooler once a day, EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

How rad would it be if I just marched into the office one day with that bad boy strapped across my back, calmly explained that from this minute onward there would be no more watercooler in the office and then spun around and chopped that fucker clean in half.

That’s some ninja shit right there. I’m pretty sure no one in the office would mess with me ever again and I’d get an instant promotion on the spot.

Provided the handle stayed on that is…



In the forests of Chernobyl…

I watched this Vice Magazine DVD awhile back where the writers went to all these really horrible and fucked up places basically so that they could show the world how bad these places really are so you’d never have to visit them yourself.

“The Vice Guide To Travel” I think it was called.

Anyway, one of the places they visited was Chernobyl where they walked around with a device that measures the radioactivity of the area around you and in most places it wasn’t actually that bad, but then they got a whole bunch of guns and struck out for these woods where the radiation levels are dangerously high to go hunt fucking mutant animals.

Apparently they exist. These animals that somehow survived but are really badly radiated and as a consequence give birth to offspring with hideous birth defects. Mutants basically, but not the cool X-Men kind with rad superpowers, more like the real life kind that haunt your nightmares.

Of course, the Vice crew never finds anything and they just write the whole experience off as a dumb idea and go back to their normal lives.

It didn’t stop me wondering what was in that forest though, slouching through the snow and dead trees. Something that was never meant to exist, some creature twisted and bent, it’s genetics rotten to the core, doomed to live a year or two at most, its natural instincts and intelligence warped into something that was never, ever meant to be.

Something… like this…






Brotips – words to live by

People who follow me on Twitter might have been a little confused a few weeks back when I randomly started sprouting profound wisdom in the form of “Brotips”.

When I discovered this website I felt pretty much exactly like Moses must have when he came stumbling down the mountain with those gigantic stone slabs of rules and stuff that God gave him.



I have all the answers guys and no, this isn’t like the time that guy gave me that pamphlet by the robot, this shit is flippin legit!

Brotips is basically a goldmine of advice about life that is funny, poignant, and bizarrely profound without being lame or shit in any way.

Brotips range from the relatively obscure (“someone has to eat the last slice of pizza. be rad enough to deserve it, but bro enough to turn it down”) to bastardised quotes from famous people (“’anyone who has never fucked up never tried to do something rad’ – Albert Brostein”) to badass relationship advice (“getting angry at people because they won’t date you gives them another reason not to date you”).



There’s really nothing that Brotips doesn’t cover and it’s growing by the minute. Every day brings at least another 5 new Brotips so even though the site was launched in April (from what I can tell) there are already 650 tips up there.

Be one of the first to tell your Bros about the site and remember, “being a real bro to someone means you aren’t afraid to smack some sense into them if necessary”.

THEM’S fightin’ words Winking smile



SlickTiger Rocks The Xbox Kinect (week2)

Today is exactly two weeks since I hooked up my Xbox review unit with the Kinect sensor and started jamming the three games that came with it (Kinect Adventures, Dance Central and Kinect Sports) and to be perfectly honest, the novelty is starting to wear off.

In the beginning I raced home to fire up the Xbox and get my game on, anxious to get stuck into a mean 100m sprint in Kinect Sports or unlock the next difficulty level in Kinect Adventures, and lemme tell you, you can work up a mean sweat playing those games, its a far more intense gaming experience that the Wii is but that’s exactly the problem.



I got over all the effort involved. Sometimes you just want to sit on your ass and mash a controller like there’s no tomorrow. All the running / jumping / ducking / throwing / retarded dancing just gets a bit much.

When coming home from work I’d think to myself Ok, I could spend the next few hours exerting a lot of energy I don’t have right now playing Kinect games OR I could sprawl on the couch, drink a beer and do fuck-all… Tricky one…

Either that, or if I did have the energy, I’d just go to gym, klap some cardio and weights and leave feeling like I’d actually had a solid workout.

The Kinect games I’ve been playing require just enough effort to be tiresome when you’re not in the mood, but when you are in the mood, playing them doesn’t leave you feeling like you’re getting stronger or fitter in any way, which kinda begs the question, what market are they aiming for here?

The ‘casual gamer’ was a term that started getting some mainstream coverage when the Wii first landed, because that’s who Nintendo defined their target market as. In other words, regular folk who don’t game until their eyes bleed but wouldn’t mind a spot of Wii tennis with some friends if their picnic / social badminton league got cancelled.



Nintendo got it right because Wiis were priced lower that Xboxes or PS3s and so casual gamers thought ‘Why not? Sounds like a lark!’

But would they do the same for an Xbox / Kinect system that’s priced R2 700 more than a Wii? (According to where a new Wii is R1 599 and a new Xbox with 250Gb hard drive and Kinect sensor is R4 299)

Yeah, don’t hold your breath on that one. If you’re going to fork out that kind of money for a console, you’re probably a serious gamer and no serious gamer is going to jump around like a fairy playing Kinect games when there’s the promise of serious violence, bloodshed and murder to be had in games like Gears Of War or Call Of Duty.

Sure, it represents a major break-through in controller-less gaming, but what was so bad about controllers anyway? It’s a noble effort to get gamers off the couch and doing something healthy for a change, but let’s be honest – those fat bastards aren’t going anywhere.



Oh, and one last thing. Remember when I said that the Kinect takes pictures of you while you game? Yeah, well good luck getting your hands on them! I tried to track mine down so I could post a few to liven up this review, but was told by the kind folks that lent me the Xbox to review that the only way to do that was by connecting your Xbox to the internet and visiting

I asked if I could connect using a 3G card and was told that you can, but you have to plug your Xbox into your PC via an Ethernet cable, configure a whole bunch of settings, plug your 3G modem into the PC, connect the normal way and then test the connection on the Xbox.

Obviously none of this worked, but I used my brain to figure out the glitches and an hour later actually got the Xbox to connect via the 3G modem plugged into my laptop.

Then I had to wait for another 30 mins while the Xbox downloaded 100MB of updates, after which I went through the whole mission of setting up an Xbox Live account and FINALLY when that was done, I was ready to get the pics off using the… Xbox… internet… um…?



Great. So what the fuck am I looking for here? Internet Explorer? How exactly do I get to the site using an Xbox? I asked Google and it told me to download some kind of fucking third party browser that only works if your machine’s been chipped which was a fat lot of fucking good.

Some other forum I read said you can use the Windows Media Centre feature on the Xbox to browse the internet, so I tried that too and 30 minutes later, after jumping through God-knows-how-many hoops to get my Xbox talking to my PC so I could configure the media centre I get a fucking message that’s so awesome you can’t even take a screen grab of it (they all turned out black) that basically says:

Go fuck yourself.



It’s now nearly twelve o’clock at night. I’ve been trying to get those fucking pics of me dancing around like a poof off the Kinect for the last four hours and truth be told, I no longer give a shit.

For my last week with the Xbox, I’m begging, borrowing and stealing games from my buddies where I get to sit on the couch and KILL THINGS. I’ll leave all the girly dancing up to the girls I work with when I bring the Kinect in to work tomorrow for a ‘games evening’ we’ve arranged after work.

And this time around you bet your ass I’ll be taking the pics with my trusty N8 rather than have to rely on the imaginary ones the Kinect may or may not have been taking.



Slicktiger Rocks The Xbox Kinect (week 1)

So as many of you who follow me on Twitter probably know from the pic I posted last week, I’ve recently gotten my hands on the Xbox Kinect system for a three week review, along with three games, Kinect Sports, Kinect Adventures and Dance Central.



I took the review unit I received home last week and connected it up to my TV / stereo system in no time. It’s dead easy to hook up and connecting the Kinect sensor is as easy as plugging a wire into your Xbox and positioning the sensor in a spot near the TV where it can clearly see you (I put it on the tv itself. We’re rocking an old-school CRT TV monitor because, well, it was a hand-me-down from a late gran and we can’t afford anything else).

Here’s where things get freaky. Soon as the sensor is plugged in and fired up, it actively starts looking for you. It moves its little sensor-head (that kinda looks like Johnny 5’s head from the film Short Circuit) up and down until it has a lock on not only your body, but also exactly where it is positioned in relation to the sensor.



In layman’s terms, this means the Kinect not only tracks your movements from left to right, but also tracks your movement towards and away from the sensor (your depth, in other words).

I fired up Kinect Sports first and eagerly performed my stretches while the game started.

Fair warning at this point (courtesy of @HollieHepburn), put some clothes on. As much as you, like me, might look forward to nothing more at the end of your day than coming home, stripping down and getting to work on a bottle of fine scotch, just keep in mind that the Xbox takes pics of you while you game.

You can choose to share these pics or keep them private, but either way, they are stored on the device somewhere, and much like that porn video you shot for the fun of it one drunken night with your girlfriend at the time, they could get you in trouble…



We then proceeded to spend the next three hours, totally immersed in Kinect Sports, where we took part in everything from long jump to ping pong, using just our bodies and were both amazed at how responsive and accurate the sensor is.

Running on the spot makes your character sprint around a track, making a throwing gesture over your head launches a javelin, kicking makes him pass a soccer ball, a straight bowling gesture makes him bowl a straight ball while a curved one puts some spin on it – that’s some next level shit right there!



Needless to say, our first experience of the Xbox Kinect system was a lot of fun and the first thing we thought to do was call up all our friends and invite them around to play as well.

The Kinect is definitely more fun when you play with at least another two or three people. As a solo gamer it would probably feel a little lonely gaming by yourself, but hey, you can always take all your clothes off to make it interesting Winking smile

Stay tuned for more write-ups as I get more into the Xbox Kinect system and keep a special eye out for the Dance Central episode, which promises to be packed full of pictures of me and J-Rab shakin’ it like ritards on the living room dancefloor.

Good times.


A Word From The Kind Folks At Nokia

July 2020