Posts Tagged ‘lube


The Friday Metal Band Name Challenge – PART II

Due to the all round awesomeness of the last Friday Metal Band Name Challenge and the fact that @JustinMGrove is a total badass and found me MORE fucking ridiculous metal band names, I proudly present to you:





Alright, alright, calm down. Don’t lose your shit just because I boosted the font size and made it red, I need you to sit up and FOCUS here.

This is no fucking around! These are some of the evilest, darkest, never-been-laid-in-their-LIVES metal bands known to man and to illustrate this point they have not only chosen band names that are fucking retarded, but have chosen to write them in fonts that make your brain swell just reading them.

So let’s get to it shall we? May I present to you: Contestant Number 1



Alright, I think we can handle this one, we’re definitely looking at a “Bor” on the one side and a “agar” on the other, possibly a “Bork” actually, now that I look at it.

What’s happening in the middle is anyone’s guess though. Could be nothing, which makes “Borkagar”, could be an “n” which makes “Borknagar” or it’s an “h” which spells “Borkhagar”.

I’m going for “Borkhagar” on this because, as anyone who’s in a metal band will tell you, Vikings are totally badass, and the most badass of  those badasses was fucking HAGAR MAN! RRAARARARGRAHRGAHGRHGHG!



Onto Contestant No. 2, feast your eyeballs on THIS badboy:



Huh, ok. Getting a little more tricky as we go along. I can totally see what these guys are going for though – there’s nothing that screams “we’re a METAL BAND!” more than blood, guts and gore.

Just look at GWAR (which someone once told me stands for “God What A Racket”), how badass were they!



Ahh, that was dumb. Now you can’t see the word unless you scroll up. FAIL.

Anyway, too late now. Scrolling up I think I can make out a “B” and an “A”, possibly two “Z”s another “A” and an “N”?

“Bazzan” would be my best guess on this one, you guys?

And lastly, let’s jump right into our final contestant for the day. Check this bad mother out:



Is anyone else out there totally BLOWN AWAY by how much fucking time these guys must have on their hands? A font like that doesn’t just come around every day. You cant just open up Word, select “Font Of Satan” and bang there it is, hells no!

You need to sit for hour after painstaking hour to come up with a font like that, tinkering away tirelessly, reading and re-reading it to make SURE no one can fucking read it.

Great job guys, you’ve really smashed it out the fucking park this time around.

It’s like playing “Where’s Wally” with letters. I can see an “L”, a “B” (?) and definitely an “E” near the top, pretty sure there’s a sneaky “of” in the middle there (axe-head for the top of the “F”, genius) and on the bottom I can see a “U”, an “N”, an “A”, an “L” a “U” and an “E”?

Oh wait, is that a “B” at the top there? Pretty sure that’s a “B”…

So what does that make, “Lube of Unalue”?

Hahahahahah! That’s the BEST band name I’ve ever heard in my life.

And with that I’m opening this one up to the floor. Civilian, you were great at this last time, care to step in and translate for us?

Have a killer weekend guys and take care of your bad selves Winking smile



The politics of pulling a sickie

I woke up today opened the curtains and seriously considered drinking a shot of drain cleaner to avoid actually going to work. It’s still grey and rainy in Joburg and lemme tell you, nobody is impressed.



Can we have some sunshine please? Is that too much to ask? It’s supposed to be summer – you call this fucking summer? I want my money back. This is bullshit.

On days like today you wish you’d pulled a sickie, and not just any kind of sickie, I’m talking epic sickie here, I’m talking not getting out of bed until lunchtime sickie, but you didn’t do that did you?

No, you pussied out, and now here you are, reading my blog instead of working and wishing you’d had the stones to pick up the damn phone and, in your best ‘moments away from death’ voice tell your boss, ‘I can’t come to work today, I’m sick.’

‘Well, how sick are you?’ your boss would have asked.

‘Well, I just fucked my sister,’ you’d calmly reply. ‘How sick is that?’

Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I saw the gap and just went for it. This blog in no way endorses sister fucking, we aren’t apes for chrissake.



It’s ok though, I fully understand why you didn’t take this course of action, it’s because we all adhere to a societal contract that binds us to doing all manner of shit we really don’t want to by using the most powerful motivator mankind has ever come up with.


That one small, single syllable word is the lube that greases the system and makes sure we don’t wander too far off the beaten path.

Think about it – the second a co-worker phones in sick, what’s the first thing that goes through your mind? Cause the first thing that goes through mine is ‘Sure, whatever. He’s not sick, the big faker, the big softie, he’s probably already on his third beer by now, screw him!’



And in that way, I keep the cycle alive. Aarrgghh! The irony!

So I say we change our mindsets when it comes to sickies. I say from now on, we applaud co-workers who are very obviously pulling a sickie and we start a culture of caring and understanding that extends so far that ‘not feeling like working’ will eventually be a legitimate excuse for not rocking up at work.

And what a wonderful world that would be 🙂

Aaaannnyyyyyway, I guess I’d better get some work done.

Take care now. Same time tomorrow? You bet your ass 😉


A Word From The Kind Folks At Nokia

August 2020