Archive Page 2

14
Jun
11

This Is The Four Hundredth And First Post On This Site

And man, what a ride it’s been Winking smile

Sadly I missed the fact that yesterday’s post was number 400, I knew I was fast approaching that milestone, I’ve gotten into a solid routine these past few months of posting every weekday at 8.30 and the numbers have been adding up fast.

It’s a great thing this junkyard site, the greatest project I ever embarked on and though it’s still very much in it’s infancy, it’s clocking up between 400 and 500 hits a day on average and continues to grow, slowly, like a troop of mushrooms pushing up through the asphalt of the information super highway.

I get nostalgic at moments like these because I never thought these fightin’ words would ever reach so many people in such a short space of time and that they’d keep coming back for more.

That’s the greatest thing about blogging. You can cook up the weirdest fucking post, you can go way, way out there on a limb and bang out the craziest shit you can think up and someone out there will read that piece of sheer insanity and not only like it, but understand exactly where you’re coming from.

 

 

I am constantly surprised by the comments people write on this site and how fucking cool they are, it’s a daily reminder that there are good people out there despite what a lot of people would have you believe.

It’s for those people that I stay up until the early hours or wake up while the world’s still dark and like some kind of mad scientist, cook up a fresh batch of fightin’ words to serve to them, piping hot and full of fury.

I’d like to always be here, fighting the good fight, even when I’m old and worn out, reliving the glory days when we were young and bursting with fresh ideas and ways to change the world and when I die, I want this site to exist until the end of time, floating around in the ether of cyberspace like some great and rusted old spaceship.

And somewhere in the bowels of that gigantic, belligerent tetanus-shot-waiting-to-happen, this song will echo through the empty spaces long since abandoned by the friends that used to gather there and shoot the breeze.

 

 

Four hundred and one posts in and life’s just begun.

Ain’t that wonder Winking smile

-ST

13
Jun
11

Game Of Thrones – 3 Reasons Why You Need To Watch This Show

I got wind of this series from one of my colleagues recently called Game Of Thrones which he’d read about online but hadn’t had a chance to watch yet because he was waiting for a moment when his wife was busy with something else so he could watch it.

This immediately told me two things, 1) It was probably awesome (girls, with the exception of J-Rab, generally can’t handle shit that’s awesome, it cuts into their Gossip Girl time) and 2) I needed to get my filthy hands on it as soon as humanly possible.

 

 

So I dutifully trawled the interwebs for the first seven episodes and started watching them last week and while it’s not the most life-changing series I’ve ever watched (I’ve never managed to top The Wire, you HAVE TO watch that show if you haven’t already, it will blow you the fuck away) it is pretty cool for the following reasons:

 

1. It’s All Medieval And Shit

Ok, ok, I know how dorky that last sentence reads and yes, at first it is a little dorky what with all the “mi’ lords” and “mi’ ladies” and the olde English that everyone speaks all the time. It’s set in the mythical land of the Seven Kingdoms Of Westeros and is based on a fantasy novel series written by George R. R. Martin called A Song Of Ice And Fire that comprises four books so far with a fifth landing next month.

 

 

So yeah, it’s all namby-pamby olde English and prancing around and banquets and shit until they get to the SLAYING! Then it’s all about fucking hacking the living shit out of one another, getting lanced in the neck, stabbed with daggers in the eye, getting dragged behind horses and skewering one another with every imaginable pointy weapon known to man!

So for all its gay period drama-ness it has a lot of scenes of gratuitous violence as well – brilliant!

 

 

2. The Bad Guys Are Fucking Terrifying

This is probably the MAIN reason I’m watching the series right now. In the opening scene you see these things in the woods that have slain a whole bunch of people, hacked them up and arranged their body parts to form some weird kind of symbol in the snow.

You catch fleeting glimpses of them and then BAM! Scene’s over, and you’re left thinking what the fuck just happened?! So you watch the first episode to find out, but do they tell you? No sir. They do not tell you. Nor do they tell you in the second, or third or fourth episode and by then you’re totally drawn into what’s going on in the story itself.

 

 

It’s a great plot device and they use it really effectively. All you get are little hints dropped here and there by some of the characters, just enough to know that whatever it was you saw in the beginning is bad fucking news and it’s coming…

It’s coming…

 

3. Breasts, breasts and more breasts

Full, pert medieval breasts. Natural breasts, before they were pumped full of silicone. And sex, plenty of sex in pretty much every episode, just enough to counter-balance the violence and keep things steamy.

 

 

I’m an unashamed admirer of the naked female form and clearly so are the people that made this show so there’s another reason why I don’t feel like a total geek recommending this series to people.

It’s got nice boobs.

So there you have it. Of course Game Of Thrones also has a pretty killer plotline, some great twists and turns in the story, highly likeable (and more importantly dislikeable) characters and some very accomplished acting but yeah, it’s the violence, bad guys and boobs that sold me Winking smile

-ST

10
Jun
11

The Friday Metal Band Name Challenge – PART II

Due to the all round awesomeness of the last Friday Metal Band Name Challenge and the fact that @JustinMGrove is a total badass and found me MORE fucking ridiculous metal band names, I proudly present to you:

 

THE FRIDAY METAL BAND NAME

CHALLENGE – PART II

 

Alright, alright, calm down. Don’t lose your shit just because I boosted the font size and made it red, I need you to sit up and FOCUS here.

This is no fucking around! These are some of the evilest, darkest, never-been-laid-in-their-LIVES metal bands known to man and to illustrate this point they have not only chosen band names that are fucking retarded, but have chosen to write them in fonts that make your brain swell just reading them.

So let’s get to it shall we? May I present to you: Contestant Number 1

 

 

Alright, I think we can handle this one, we’re definitely looking at a “Bor” on the one side and a “agar” on the other, possibly a “Bork” actually, now that I look at it.

What’s happening in the middle is anyone’s guess though. Could be nothing, which makes “Borkagar”, could be an “n” which makes “Borknagar” or it’s an “h” which spells “Borkhagar”.

I’m going for “Borkhagar” on this because, as anyone who’s in a metal band will tell you, Vikings are totally badass, and the most badass of  those badasses was fucking HAGAR MAN! RRAARARARGRAHRGAHGRHGHG!

 

 

Onto Contestant No. 2, feast your eyeballs on THIS badboy:

 

 

Huh, ok. Getting a little more tricky as we go along. I can totally see what these guys are going for though – there’s nothing that screams “we’re a METAL BAND!” more than blood, guts and gore.

Just look at GWAR (which someone once told me stands for “God What A Racket”), how badass were they!

 

 

Ahh, that was dumb. Now you can’t see the word unless you scroll up. FAIL.

Anyway, too late now. Scrolling up I think I can make out a “B” and an “A”, possibly two “Z”s another “A” and an “N”?

“Bazzan” would be my best guess on this one, you guys?

And lastly, let’s jump right into our final contestant for the day. Check this bad mother out:

 

 

Is anyone else out there totally BLOWN AWAY by how much fucking time these guys must have on their hands? A font like that doesn’t just come around every day. You cant just open up Word, select “Font Of Satan” and bang there it is, hells no!

You need to sit for hour after painstaking hour to come up with a font like that, tinkering away tirelessly, reading and re-reading it to make SURE no one can fucking read it.

Great job guys, you’ve really smashed it out the fucking park this time around.

It’s like playing “Where’s Wally” with letters. I can see an “L”, a “B” (?) and definitely an “E” near the top, pretty sure there’s a sneaky “of” in the middle there (axe-head for the top of the “F”, genius) and on the bottom I can see a “U”, an “N”, an “A”, an “L” a “U” and an “E”?

Oh wait, is that a “B” at the top there? Pretty sure that’s a “B”…

So what does that make, “Lube of Unalue”?

Hahahahahah! That’s the BEST band name I’ve ever heard in my life.

And with that I’m opening this one up to the floor. Civilian, you were great at this last time, care to step in and translate for us?

Have a killer weekend guys and take care of your bad selves Winking smile

-ST

09
Jun
11

SlickTiger Rocks The Xbox Kinect (week3)

After the lambasting I gave the Xbox Kinect system in my last review (read all about it here) I thought it only fair to give it another shot and try not to be such a judgemental prick about it just because I was finding it near impossible to get the pics the Kinect had taken off the bladdy thing.

The good news is I finally figured out how to do it, the bad news is I spent about 30 mins painstakingly uploading at least 15 hilarious photos the Kinect Adventures game had taken of us (One. By. One), but when I hit kinectshare.com to get the pics there were only 3 (?).

So yeah. Here they are.

 

 

 

 

There were much. much better ones of people of all races jumping, ducking and generally making complete asses out of themselves I could have used but it’s too late now.

See, I’ve been connecting to X-Box Live using a 3G card which is a bit of a mission so to go back and do it all again (I’ve already assumed the SlickTiger horizontal blogging-in-bed position) is just plain not gonna happen.

For those of you wanting to connect using a 3G card, here’s how:

1. Get an ETHERNET CABLE
2. Connect the Xbox to your PC using the ETHERNET CABLE
3. Turn the Xbox on
4. Put your 3G modem into your laptop
5. Go to Control Panel and dig around for “View Network Connections”
6. Right-click on your 3G connection and check out “Properties”
7. In “Properties” click the “Sharing” tab
8. Tick the box that reads “Allow other network users to connect through this computer’s Internet connection
9. In the drop down menu under that option select “LAN Connection”
10. Connect to the internet like you normally would with your 3G modem
11. Dig around for “Network Settings” in the menu on your Xbox
12. Select “Test Connection” (I’m not actually at the Xbox so you’ll have to figure this part out yourself, but just make sure the Xbox is set to automatically detect the IP address and all that stuffs)
13. Hey presto! The Xbox should automatically configure all the settings it needs and badda bing badda bang you should connect to Xbox Live

Now you see why I’m not getting up to go and try get better pics of us making tits of ourselves. AFTER that you still need to fire up the game itself (in this case, Kinect Adventures) go to “Showoff and Share”, select your pics and upload them to kinectshare.com.

Then you have to visit kinectshare.com to download or share them with Facebook. Easy as pie if you have the patience of a monk and an hour to kill.

 

 

In fairness, the whole process would have been a LOT easier if I just had a fixed ADSL line into our flat, but I’m so dirt broke I’m eating stray cats these days. “Installing an ADSL line” is right below “selling a kidney” on my to do list at the moment.

Anyway, after some careful thought I figured out why I got bored with the Kinect system so quickly and it has to do with the games.

Once you’ve played them once the only challenge left is to try and beat your personal bests and because of this they start to feel a little repetitive after awhile.

They’re brilliant fun if you have people over and make awesome party games but I’d be really interested to see how they use the Kinect in games that actually change and evolve as you play them, like the new Harry Potter game for example.

 

 

My final verdict is I think the Kinect has HUGE potential as a gaming system that game developers haven’t even begun to unlock yet. Keep in mind that the first generation of games that were released for the Kinect were developed in roughly 6 months to be ready for its launch.

Given a bit more time I think we’ll see some killer titles coming out for the Kinect that will immerse gamers in a way they couldn’t even dream of right now.

If you’ve got a little money to burn and are looking for an awesome way to have some fun with your mates that doesn’t involve pure cane spirit, midgets, inhuman amounts of mescaline, phallic vegetables and a nervous ferret, the Xbox Kinect system is totally worth it.

-ST

08
Jun
11

Treefiddy Review: Seether – Holding Onto Strings Better Left To Fray

The Down Lizzo:

After over a decade of hard slog, touring, growing their fanbase and writing and performing great post-grunge / metal anthems, the most successful South African rock band to ever leave our shores and kill it in the States has finally released a follow up to their epic 2007 album Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces and it’s godawful.

 

 

Seether’s material has always walked the fine line between legitimate post-grunge and wanky hero-rock and unfortunately this time around Seether have strayed a little far into the commercial cesspool that bands like Nickleback, Daughtry and Creed float in.

Sick Tracks:

The first time around “Country Song” is ok if not a little familiar. As for the rest of it, I can hardly distinguish one song from the rest to tell you what they’re actually like, but the words “plain as mud” come to mind.

The worst tracks are by far “Here And Now” which sounds like it should be on the Spiderman soundtrack and “Tonight”, which sounds like a really, really bad version of “Rise Above This”.

The vocal melodies, chord and strong structures and production are as predictable as the plot in a Hollywood rom com and twice as nauseating.

 

 

And don’t even get me started on the lyrics (“Save me / Even as you break me / Every time you rape me / Leave me coming all undone” – snore).

They’re so loaded with hollow sentiment and radio rock clichés it’s goddamn cringeworthy.

The only thing noteworthy about this album is how poignantly honest it’s title is.

Should You Give A Shit?

Fuck no. Let’s all just pretend that this album never happened and focus instead on the musical gems that this band has produced up to this vacuous point in their career.

 

 

Although, to be fair, if you like Daughtry and co. you’ll probably dig this album. You’ll also probably dig drinking beer through funnels, 4x4s and Rohypnol but hey, who am I to judge.

Here’s “Here And Now” to drive home my point. Enjoy.

 

 

Final Verdict: 3/10

07
Jun
11

Steri Stumpie And Slicky-T, BFFs For Life

It’s hard not to love Steri Stumpie because it’s a brand that, without even trying, has organically grown a considerable cult following.

 

 

To my knowledge, the Flavour Nation ads that were recently on radio were the first radio ads Steri has run in about 20 years and I’m pretty sure they’ve done nothing on TV, and yet the brand has a cult following of fans that are so dedicated that they actively feed the Facebook page and blog site with user-generated content that they make for no reason other than to show their unwavering love of this kooky South African brand.

The Brothers Streep went so far as to not only write a Steri Stumpie song, but shoot an entire video and contrary to popular belief, they weren’t paid by Steri to do this, they just really, really like Steri Stumpie.

 

Steri has been on our shelves since 1976, how crazy is that?! It’s as South African as biltong and babotie and is not only available in enough flavours to appease even the most discerning of flavoured milk connoisseurs, but it’s also one of the best hangover cure’s money can buy (or so I’m told…).

So I was super stoked when the Steri fairy dropped by today and hooked me up with the SICKEST hoodie you’ve ever seen. They said they’d read my stray cat recipe post and felt so bad for me they immediately despatched their Steri-raptors to help a brother out during the cold winter months.

 

 

 

That’s the other thing I love about this brand, they’re great at targeting influencers and adorers with radass Steri drop packs that have a whole bunch of Steri merch you can’t buy in stores so you can show it off to your friends and be all like “ne-ner-ne-ner-neee-neeerrrr” I’m special and you’re not.

I also love Steri because I once drove past one of their delivery vans and on the side it said “Hoot if you’re a fan” so I let out a playful toot on my horn and the Steri van replied with a hilarious little counter-toot that had J-Rab and I in hysterics for a solid 10 minutes.

 

 

Thanks for the hoodie and the good times Steri! You guys get the Tiger stamp of approval Winking smile

-ST

06
Jun
11

I finally Know What’s Missing From My Life

I’ll admit to sometimes feeling a little unfulfilled in my life, there’s no shame in that. I think it’s only human nature to feel like there’s something missing from your life from time to time, even if you’re loaded to the gills with money, have the funnest job in the world, date five supermodels and have a mansion on every continent with another few stashed away on tropical islands just for good measure.

But how awesome is it when you finally figure it all out, that thing that was missing from your life, and can actually put a plan in place to get that thing, whatever it may be.

What’s missing from my life is a GIANT FUCKING SWORD THAT WILL CUT THROUGH ANYTHING and I’m pretty confident that, after watching this clip, you’ll agree (sorry the quality is total crap, I tried to embed directly from the Tosh.0 site but it didn’t work).

 

 

What really sold me on this weapon of mass destruction was the part where he slices through the watercooler. As one of only two men in an office of about 27 women it has become my duty to change the watercooler which I was totally fine with for the first few months.

But goddamn! girls drink a lot of water! What the hell is wrong with you people?! Have you never heard of the health benefits of coffee, soft drinks or alcohol stashed conveniently under your desk?! Why all the water all the time? I change that water cooler once a day, EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

How rad would it be if I just marched into the office one day with that bad boy strapped across my back, calmly explained that from this minute onward there would be no more watercooler in the office and then spun around and chopped that fucker clean in half.

That’s some ninja shit right there. I’m pretty sure no one in the office would mess with me ever again and I’d get an instant promotion on the spot.

Provided the handle stayed on that is…

-ST




A Word From The Kind Folks At Nokia

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