20
Jun
11

Baba Indaba Attempts World Record, The Tiger Throws Up In His Mouth A Little

We don’t have a TV so it’s been awhile since I’ve been exposed to the wonder that is South African television advertising and I’m a little sad about that.

I love SA TV ads because (with one or two exceptions) they are really, really, really terrible and almost always leave me staring in utter disbelief at the screen or canning myself at how goddamn retarded people are.

 

 

But on Saturday night I watched an ad so unbelievably unbelievable that the second it was over I jumped off the couch and shouted, “Did you just see that?! Tell me you just saw that!?” at J-Rab who nodded mutely, on the verge of lapsing into full-blown catatonia.

The ad was for the upcoming Baba Indaba where they are going to attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the most number of moms breast-feeding at the same time under one roof.

 

 

Call me an insensitive, immature asshole but MY GOD! How DISGUSTING is that?!

Thousands of pregnant women of all ages, sizes, creeds and colours whipping their swollen mammaries out at the same time while their young suckle at them hungrily like the little parasites they are.

Jayzuz, even writing about it is making me feel ill.

Also, how the hell do you POLICE something like that? I mean the previous world record was set in the Philippines where no less than 3 541 woman “breasted” at the same time!

 

 

Three and a half thousand! You’d need a team of literally hundreds of officials walking around making sure the moms weren’t faking it to verify that shit.

How humiliating for the moms, it’s like “Sorry ma’am, I’m gonna have to ask you to lift that blanket.”

“What? What blanket? This blanket?”

“Yes, that blanket.”

“Why, there’s nothing to see under here, just junior having his lunch, that’s all…”

“The rules state I have to actually see the breast in his mouth while he swallows ma’am, otherwise you’re disqualified.”

I’m sorry, I know this is a sensitive topic and everything and sure, it’s all for a good cause, I get that, but still, bleaugh!

And the funniest part of it is they show this visual in the ad that’s basically identical to the one below:

 

 

“Yummm”, seriously? Who are they trying to sell this to?!

What mother is so stupid that she doesn’t know babies like breastfeeding?

“The baby’s saying ‘Yummm’! I get it! It’s saying ‘Yummm’ because it likes milk! Wow, I’m going to try that RIGHT AWAY!”

Also, think about this – when women breastfeed, oxytocin and prolactin, hormones that relax them and make them feel more nurturing toward their little grubs, are released.

So, if all goes according to plan, at Baba Indaba there will be over three and a half thousand women having the lactate furiously suckled from them at the same time while an ocean of feel-good hormones go racing through their brains, creating a gigantic rush of pure mammalian euphoria that will ripple through Nasrec like a wave of MDMA through a trance fest dance floor.

Huh. Come to think of it, that sounds pretty awesome. Wonder if they’ll fly me up there and swing me free tickets after this awesome post I’ve given them…

-ST

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5 Responses to “Baba Indaba Attempts World Record, The Tiger Throws Up In His Mouth A Little”


  1. 1 dp
    June 20, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Slicko. If they were pregnant, I doubt they’re gonna be breastfeeding. The birth to re-impregnation rate would be… mind blowing. and kinda gross.

    Just saying.. Thanks for putting that image in my head though.

  2. 2 Mom
    June 21, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    You are an iditot!! what is DISGUSTING or – sexual for that matter – about Breastfeeding?

    • June 21, 2011 at 6:59 pm

      Nothing. But 3 500 people doing it at the same time?
      C’mon! That’s not right…
      -ST

    • 4 dp
      June 22, 2011 at 4:35 am

      Mom, there was no mention of a sexual aspect as far as I read. Secondly, there are a lot of human body functions which, wihle normal and natural, are not exactly visually appealing. That’s why we teach our kids to chew with their mouths closed and we perform our ablutions and fornicate behind closed doors.

      If I see a lady sitting across from me in the train breastfeeding her kid, I’m not going to complain about it, but I’m also gonna do my best not to look at what she’s doing. Honestly, would you like people to watch you breastfeed your kids in a public place?

      • 5 Another Mom
        June 22, 2011 at 3:38 pm

        DP – Please explain how fornication and defecation are anything like breastfeeding – which is feeding. Maybe next time at a restaurant I see someone chewing with their mouth open or some other such “feeding” activity that I find offensive I will let them know by throwing up on their lap!


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