Posts Tagged ‘models


You Gotta Love Models

So Klap Gym Boet! went into the latest FHM which now means there’s an FHM lying around our flat which I can honestly say is the first one that’s done that in about 5 years.

Naturally I find myself gravitating towards it from time to time, mostly when I’m supposed to be doing things that actually require brainpower such as writing a blog post or boiling the kettle.

Instead I veg out on the couch and flip through the pages, marvelling at how large woman’s breasts seem to have become and thanking my lucky stars that I’m a guy and don’t have to compete with those ridiculously over-airbrushed, over-sexed and under-dressed brainless sirens.



I love the ‘what qualities do you look for in a man?’ question because they always say the same fucking thing.

“Confidence and a great sense of humour are sexy. He must also not be afraid to show his sensitive side. And he must be honest. And he must have a nice six-pack. Hahahaha!”

It’s all the same shit over and over and over again!

South African models are the worst. For the most part they are so fucking boring I’d rather push a fork through my eyeball than read an interview with them.

Take this month’s cover girl Genevieve Morton for example, who answered the following questions in the following ways:


  • What do you find attractive in a man? Confidence and a sense of humour
  • What do you do on your days off in New York? Browse the fresh food market with hot, non-alcoholic apple cider
  • You must have had some cool jobs since we last worked together? I spend a lot of time in Dallas working for a department store
  • Do you enjoy jogging in Central Park wearing insanely tight spandex? I got totally lost one day, so haven’t spent too much time there
  • It’s a tough country to stay in shape in, how do you resist Dunkin’ Doughnuts? Actually, when I travel I never eat the nice, tasty foods… because I am scared that I will like it too much and then not to be able to stop myself
  • What exciting career projects are you looking forward to? Finishing my degree


And so on and so on and so on and so on.

I’m probably not the best person to gauge these things by, but seriously, what a boring interview!



The American girls interviewed at least had some pizazz, but I’m sorry, our local girls are a buncha limp noodles. They wouldn’t know a party if it crawled up their leg and blew a bong hit their doe-eyed little faces.

That Powerbalance launch I went to when I met Roxy Louw is a great example. We went to the bar after the interview and I ordered her a tequila. No, tequila was too hectic, she’d had a bad experience (hahaha! Like anyone drinks tequila and has a good experience). So I ordered her a Jagy, no she didn’t want a Jagy either. An Apple Sour? No, not that either.

She ended up doing a shot of red wine. Then her boyfriend arrived, gave her a disapproving look and marched her off to sit in a corner with him for the rest of the night.

You gotta love models because magazines and TVs and a bazillion other forms of mass media bludgeon us with their half naked bodies and perfectly sculpted faces all the time and we sit there like cartoon wolves, tongues lolling from our heads and hearts beating through our chests and then you actually get to meet them and you know what?

The baglady down the street is more interesting.



The Tiger And The Met

To put it in five words: the Met was fucking mindblowing

Sure, it was my first Met and yes, I was in the best marquee on the grounds so my perception is going to be biased, but good god. It was a killer party.

We got some great pics, but sadly I can’t pull them off J-Rab’s camera until tomorrow, so here’s what I pulled from my N8 in the meantime.



You had to be there. Seriously. The food, the marquees, the decor, the bars, the salons where you could get a foot massage or where girls could get their make-up redone and hair styled, it was all so slick and amazingly well executed.

If you sat anywhere for long enough, you’d see a cross section of TV presenters, models, actors, news crews, entertainment crews, sports celebrities and socialites in some of the craziest, sexiest outfits you ever saw, strutting like they were on a giant catwalk and the world was watching.

And then bam! Two people with horse heads pirouette into the crowd and ballroom dance randomly in what looks like a creepily well choreographed out-take from a nightmare sequence in Equus.



By the time the sun had set and Fedde Le Grand was punishing the decks, the evening had become one huge party. People danced, they laughed, they ducked off to eat piping hot, delicious oven baked slices of free pizza and drank J&B in every variation known to man.

I remember taking this pic right near the end of the night. It’s the only other one I have right now that came out well, but soon as I get J-Rab’s camera I’ll put up more.



Anyone else get anything sick from the day? Send in what you got to and I’ll put it up here and punt your awesomeness to the interwebs.

There was more, much more, but it’ll have to wait until later.



The Raddest Post Ever!

Today’s post is the raddest post ever! Some days you need long, rambling existential mind-fuck meandering, and some days, well, you just need hot mamasitas.

(I’m currently lost in a piece of fiction I’m teasing out and probably won’t get around to posting anything other than this today. Watch this space…)

So send this to every friend you know. Tell them it’s the raddest post you’ve ever read EVER and you’ll win a prize!



Party on Wayne.


*A stunning summer bikini


Intelligent Content For The Masses

I love it when models open their mouths and speak and with every word they sound dumber and dumber and dumber. On this show on SABC 3 last night called C.I.G.A.R.E (pronounced ‘cigar’. Yeah I know, wtf?!) they interviewed some model from the East Rand called Michelle (I think).

Ok brace yourselves people.

Favourite things: Movies, DVD’s, shopping, shoes and going out dancing with her friends. We didn’t really catch this one bit 100%, but I think the interviewer asked her what she would do if a guy approached her in a club and tried to speak to her and she said without a shadow of a doubt that basically, she would snub that fucker. Hard.

Funniest thing was during all of the cut-aways to the modelling shoot she was doing, she was in the same pose.

If you can picture a girl lying flat on her back, knees up and her arse clenched tight and lifted about a foot off the floor, so she looked like she was making a triangle, that’s how she was posing IN EVERY SHOT.

Looked like she was boning the invisible man.


Are we on the same page here? Ok, cool

Are we on the same page here? Ok, cool


Jenni-fuh just asked if I was gonna blog it and I said ‘Yes, I would.’ I said I’d blog about her asking that question about me blogging because I told her that’s what’s called meta-blogging.

The next step will be when I can type and simultaneously upload this in real time, without having to hit ‘Publish’ or ‘Send’ or anything and the step after is when my typing it will automatically be a voice file that is broadcast across a frequency that you can tune in and out of at will by using your mind.

It would be like inviting another person to live in your head. Sounds like a totally insane and fucked up idea, but we do it all the time, and we aren’t fussy about who we let in there either.

Before that show I dropped Graum off at the airport, he’s missioning through to Monaco for his oldest brother’s second wedding. The sky looked cool when I dropped him off:


Airport descending staircase

Airport descending staircase


Back at home I tried to write some character bios. I want it to be so that if you click a person’s name you’ll be able to get a short bio of them.

This is called ‘making a site interactive’ it’s something they invented about two or three months ago when they started selling Vista bundled with Web 0.2, now with antivirus so they can’t hack your face data on twit book.

It’s a whole buncha cockamamie terms that I don’t pretend to understand.

But anyway, so far J-Rab is the only one with a character bio. Go ahead. Click her name, you know you want to.

That’s right… you weird little pervert.

Last night Pooperoo came over and we traded some music, I bounced a couple of ideas about some creative projects I’ve been thinking up off him and he liked them.

I think there is a very real need in this country for all of us to up the game when it comes to the quality of the media content that is produced because by international standards we are pretty far behind (with a few notable exceptions).

The internet will set us free. God only knows what the fuck is happening with the SABC, but I can tell you one thing for free, soon as the cost of bandwidth comes down and internet speeds increase in this country, there will be an explosion of content being sent out there from SA.

It’s not that we don’t have the talent in this country, we do, by the truckload. The problem is that production budgets are miniscule and the local TV networks don’t want to take risks when it comes to airing content that might, god forbid, push the boundaries of what is deemed ‘acceptable’ and ‘safe’.

Art is not safe, what the fuck?! It’s supposed to be edgy and racy, and most of all, it’s supposed to be INTELLIGENT.

There aren’t enough INTELLIGENT people out there making content.

Highest grossing movie in South Africa of all time? Take a wild guess. And no, it’s not Titanic, it’s not Lord of the Rings, it’s not even fucking Spiderman or Transformers, no.

It’s Mr Bones.


If this is your favourite movies of all time, I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but you're retarded

If this is your favourite movies of all time, I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but you're retarded


Don’t get me wrong, I’m stoked a local production is the highest grossing film in SA, my problem is that it’s purile. This is the level we are currently at, we’re registering about a 2. This is what the masses want.

It’s time to up the game. I’ve got plans in the pipelines that if they work are going to rock this country hard.

Watch this space 😉


A Word From The Kind Folks At Nokia

May 2020