Posts Tagged ‘gym

09
Feb
10

The SlickTiger Guide to Klapping Gym Boet!

As an oke with lots of mates who are also okes I can tell you straight that it’s every oke’s dream to get MASSIVE AND RIPPED and bang two hot blondes AT THE SAME TIME!

Once an oke has achieved this goal, he is happy and can spend the rest of his life sitting on the couch, drinking beer, watching sports and TELLING OTHER PEOPLE WHAT TO DO.

He has earned this right, nobody can take this right away from him and with my help you can earn this right too, but first you gotta learn the proper way to KLAP GYM BOET! or you’ll always be a loser who can’t pull hot chicks and spends friday nights at home twitting with his loser friends on the interweb.

STEP ONE TO KLAPPING GYM BOET!

The first step to klapping gym boet is to buy a fucking TIGHT VEST. This will intimidate your opponents in the gym and make the hot chicks there stare at you and you will be able to lift 15% heavier weights from the confidence boost it will give you.

Confidence is everything. A wise man once told me if you don’t have confidence, fuck off, and he was right.

Ideally, you want your vest to show your biceps, triceps, delts, traps, lats, pecs, but NOT NIPPLES! That’s flippin’ gay.

 

 

STEP 2 TO KLAPPING GYM BOET!

Everyone knows that to klap it PROPERLY in the gym you need to be as tanned AS CAN BE! Having a GREAT TAN in the gym will not only make all your muscles look RIPPED, but it will also show all the chicks checking you out that, yes, you are an outdoors kind of guy and not some gay moffie who’s scared to lie in the sun for 13 hours wearing a thong.

I went onto the internet to show you just how ripped and amazing okes look with a little bit of a tan.

 

 

The charna in the above photo has NAILED not only a flippin’ AMAZING tan, but also a hot blonde belter who probably called her friend who was also a hot blonde belter right after this picture was taken so they could bang this guy. AT THE SAME TIME!

His arm is MASSIVE and covered in veins. Fuck, I can’t look at this picture anymore. FUCK! I’m jealous…

 

 

What can I say about this charna’s AWESOME tan that would do ANY JUSTICE to him or how AWESOME he is? Look at his even, brown / orange skin tone, flippin’ HARDCORE man! Look at the clear line between his pecs – proof that this charna likes to KLAP THE GYM! AND HARD!

Such a shame about the bladdy rough chick on his left though, but I’m sure with a bit of blonde hair dye, 70 hours in the sun, 6 months in the gym and lekker big fake tits, she’d look ok. Not flippin’ hot. But ok. He could do better.

 

 

Please go back up and just look at this photo one more time. Please just do that RIGHT NOW CAUSE THIS OKE’S TAN IS MAKING ME KAK MY PANTS HIS FLIPPIN TAN IS SO AWESOME!

Look how MASSIVE AND RIPPED he is! You don’t need to tell an oke like this how to KLAP GYM BOET, he wrote the BOOK! He’s also wearing a backwards cap and sunglasses IN THE GYM, so automatically plus 40% to his confidence which means he will be able to lift 75% heavier weights!

Now THAT’S what a kief tan can do for YOU!

STEP 3 TO KLAPPING GYM BOET!

Step three is a crucial one, this is SERIOUS now, so PAY ATTENTION, I”M ONLY GONNA SAY THIS ONCE.

In a gym situation you are nothing, NOTHING! without your charnas. You think you can get flippin RIPPED and MASSIVE and bang two hot blonde chicks at the same time if you train by yourself? Fuck boet, are you stupid?

The okes you train with are your CHARNAS! They are your BROTHERS! They will be there for you to tell you ‘Fuck boet, you look HUGE!’ and ‘I want 5 MORE! I FLIPPIN’ WANT FIVE MORE!’ and ‘Is that a new vest? Flip boet, it really brings out the colour of your eyes.’

Without your charnas you are NOTHING! You’ll have NO ONE to shout at and NO ONE will stare at you in the gym, shaking their heads because they can’t believe how MASSIVE AND RIPPED you and your charnas are!

Look at these charnas. They obviously gym together. Look at the blonde belter the one oke is gonna bang with her best friend who is also a blonde belter as soon as she gets back from having her boobs juiced up to the max.

Flippin’ awesome.

 

 

STEP 4 TO KLAPPING GYM BOET

As with most things in life, an important part of klapping gym boet is knowing when to stop. There is a time in every Gym Boy’s life when he looks at himself, RIPPED and MASSIVE in the mirror and thinks to himself ‘I can’t even wipe my own arse anymore. Have I gone too far?’

Well, I’m here to tell you the answer to that question is NO!

When is it time to stop getting MASSIVE? NEVER!

Lots of chicks will say that they ‘Don’t like a man who is too massive’, but they’re flippin’ lying cause they LOVE IT! They’re just scared of his muscles, and can we blame them? NO!

Take a look at this photo and tell me who’s going to win this ‘Who is the MASSIVEST?’ competition:

 

 

Let’s see. Is it going to be Mr ‘I look like Eddie Murphy in a red speedo’ there on the right? Or maybe Mr ‘I thought about injecting horse growth hormones but decided not to’ there in the middle?

NO! Fuck, are you stupid?! It’s going to be the FLIPPIN’ HUGE OKE on the right who’s so MASSIVE AND RIPPED his two blonde belter girlfriends have to brush his teeth for him and doctors say he won’t live past 35! KLAP IT BOET!

Do you think he’d ever be that MASSIVE AND RIPPED if he just GAVE UP?! Please man. Don’t be thick.

Here’s another example:

 

 

This oke is so massive he can just go around putting his hand on blonde belter’s boobs ALL THE TIME and they don’t even mind, in fact, they ENJOY IT because they know he could uppercut their HEADS OFF if they tried to stop him.

What a LEGEND! Any second her blonde belter friend’s going to arrive and you KNOW what’s going to happen then! Flippin’ AWESOME!

I think I’ve proved my point about step four, NEVER GIVING UP, but just to make sure, I’ll ask you one last question.

Do you think this man, this old man, could EVER! EVER! have gotten so MASSIVE AND RIPPED if he’d known when enough was enough?

 

 

STEP 5 TO KLAPPING GYM BOET!

The last and final step to klapping gym boet is the nutritional step, because unless you eat right and inject dangerous steroids daily, you’ll never get RIPPED CHARNA!

Eating right means eating PROTEIN ALL THE TIME, CONSTANTLY, WITHOUT EVEN STOPPING, because this way you’ll show your body that NO! You don’t need any flippin’ fat! You don’t need to store any nutrition, you’re shoving it in your face CONSTANTLY!

Injecting dangerous steroids daily means experiencing violent mood swings, possibly because of the steroids and also possibly because your cheloger is ONLY ONE INCH LONG!

But seriously boet! Come off it man! Who needs a normal-sized cheloger when you’ve got two blonde belters, one on each arm ready to BANG YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE SO MASSIVE AND RIPPED!?

Fuck man! Are you stupid?

Now go out there and KLAP SOME GYM BOET!

FLIPPIN’ SCHWEET!

-ST

09
Jan
10

The Saturday Post: 9 Jan ‘10

I’m gonna keep this one short and sweet guys, there’s a whole bunch of stuff we need to get sorted today and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d rather spend the rest of today with my lady than bashing out another epic post.

All the posts this week have actually been pretty epic. Life just seems really full at the moment, I don’t know if you’re feeling it to, but there’s a buzz in the air this year that I swear is so tangible it feels like my skin is sparking with electricity.

 

 

Of course, that could also be because I’m tearing through the gym these days like a loose propeller. We’re only 9 days into the year and I’ve already clocked 4 sessions. Admittedly, for the first two I was embarrassingly sweaty and red-faced, but once those were out the way, session 3 and 4 already felt better.

I’m lucky to come from a lean gene pool – there is no history of obesity in either my mom or my dad’s side of the family, and as such, I have the metabolism of a race horse. Of course, given another 4 or 5 years I’m sure this will change, but that doesn’t bother me.

Gym is really funny though. I watch other guys in the gym who go wearing their designer Body In Motion gear with all the latest gym accessories money can buy, run for a bit on the treadmill, do a few sets on the machines and go home without breaking a sweat, and I think to myself, Why bother?

I go in loose fitting faded shirts, brown shorts and old Nike shoes, I do cardio until my heart feels like it’s going to explode, catch my breath, and then hit the machines and free weights, working steadily toward that killer burn you start to feel in your muscles that sends endorphins flooding like a capsized oil tanker into your blood.

 

 

And then I go back and do it all over again. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, I’m a sucker for punishment.

My goal is 4 sessions a week, every week of this year. If I maintain that and try keep the binge drinking to a minimum, by December I’ll be a fucking MACHINE.

And yes, THEM’S fightin’ words 😉

-ST




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