Posts Tagged ‘crazy


Tell The Tiger (Episode 2)

I love meeting people who tell you how ‘crazy’ they are. ‘I’m crazy dude!’ they all say, ‘I’m the craziest fucker you’ll ever MEET!’ which can be loosely translated as, ‘Am a pretty average guy, really nothing that special about me or my life. Thanks for listening.’

Truth is, the really crazy fuckers out there, or the people who have crazy shit going down in their lives keep that shit on the down lizzo, which is why I started Tell The Tiger, because I feel an affinity for these people and honestly want to help them.



Also the shit they send through makes my life plain as dry toast in comparison 😉

Take this email I got on Tuesday for example:


Hi Tellthetiger,

Im not sure why im sending you this when I havent even told my friends about it so please dont mention my name anywhere, but ive been dating this girl for about four months now, shes the best looking girl Ive ever dated (shes done some modelling for magazines etc), perfect and also an amazing personality, my dream girl until a few weeks back we were taking a shower together and she asked me the most fucked up thing, to pee on her in the shower!

I laughed and thought she was joking (she’s got a bit of a crazy sense of humour) and tried to ignor what she was asking me, but she kept asking, saying it would be ‘naughty’ and it didn’t matter anyway because we were in the shower and why didnt I just try it?

So I did it and she loved it, it was bizarre. We both kind of laughed about it and I didn’t really think anything of it, but then she asked me to do it again, twice in the next week or so, she said it really turned her on, but the most fucked up thing is we came back from a night out last week and she asked me to do it again, this time when we were in bed together!

My friends warned me that she was a little ‘weird’ but seriously, yellow fountains? What the hell, I don’t know what to do! I refused to do it and she immediately got really embarrassed and it was really awkward and she left and we haven’t slept together since because I don’t know if shes going to ask me again, what if she breaks up with me because I wont do it? I love this girl, what should I do?


Peed Off

Ok, first off, I think the preferred term for this kind of behaviour is ‘golden shower’ not ‘yellow fountain’ so yeah, that might turn up more results in Google searches should you want to seek professional help, which I would definitely recommend if this advice gets you nowhere.



There is no easy way of diffusing a situation like this. It’s not normal behaviour for your girlfriend to want you to pee on her and it’s highly likely that the need she’s feeling to submit herself to acts of degradation like that was caused by some kind of trauma suffered at a young age.

If what she’s making you do is freaking you out too much you need to tell her that and explain that while you love her, what she’s asking you to do doesn’t feel right and you would rather not do it. If the issue comes up again, try to figure out what it is about golden showers that turns her on so much and try to get her to open up about previous boyfriends and if she’s tried this on them and how they reacted and in that way try to drill down to what the root cause of this is.

Of course, there is a chance that she just likes it because it feels ‘naughty’ but there are a million other ways to practise naughtiness in the bedroom that don’t involved relieving your bladder on your loved one, maybe try some of those options instead.

Any way you look at it, there’s no way you’re ever going to be able to just brush this one under the carpet, confront it head-on, be honest and patient with her and whatever you do, approach this with as much tact as possible and if she threatens to break up with you if you won’t do it, then as hard as it might be, break up with her. The minute any relationship degrades into ultimatums like that, you step into the territory of emotional blackmail and in my experience things very seldom get better after that point.

Either way, let us know what happens dude, and if anyone else wants to offer solutions, I think our buddy here could use them!



Remember, if you have difficulties with life in any way, size, shape or form, you too can Tell The Tiger by simply mailing him on and he will do his level best to address your troubles or your money back!


Album Review: Broken Bells

You get two kinds of people in this world – those that hear music and those that listen to music.

About 80% of the world hears music. It’s something that plays in the background of their lives between dancing from one club to another, falling in love with one person after the other and popping out one kid after the other.



Those people, they don’t care about the stories behind the music they listen to. They will hear a band like Broken Bells and they’ll love it and a week later they’ll completely forget they ever heard it and move on to the next band.

Which, I guess, is a testament to how fucking incredible this band is.

Remember The Shins? Two of their tracks featured on the Garden State soundtrack back in 2004 after which they enjoyed a brief stint in the limelight before people got bored and promptly forgot they ever existed.

Well, Broken Bells is made up of The Shins’ frontman and guitarist James Mercer and one Brian Burton, or Danger Mouse as he is more widely known.



Danger whothefuck? I hear you ask. Danger Mouse, the guy who produced Gnarls Barkley’s albums St. Elsewhere (2006) and The Odd Couple (2008) as well as the phenomenal Gorillaz album Demon Days (2005) and the highly underrated Beck album Modern Guilt (2008).

Tie all those albums up together, throw in Mercer’s best vocals I’ve ever heard on an album, add a whole heap of great hooks, free flowing melodies and laid-back beats and you’ll start to get an idea of what Broken Bells sounds like.

What we’re talking about here is an album you can put on the next time your buddies and their respective girlfriends come over for a few drinks, and it will play from beginning to end without anyone getting up to change it.

The marriage of Mercer’s folksy guitar riffs and Burton’s synth soundscapes is so damn perfect you’d swear they’d done at least three or more albums together to reach the musical pinnacle that is Broken Bells.

There is not one sound on this album that is unnecessary. Musically, it’s as tight as they come, Burton knows exactly what to do and when to do it and the result is an album that is multilayered without being cluttered and claustrophobic, is chilled out without making you nod off halfway through and is poppy without being mindless and puerile.



What also impressed me is how far Mercer has pushed his vocals on this album. He experiments with vocal registers that I thought were far beyond his reach and nails them almost effortlessly and his lyrics on songs like ‘The Mall And Misery’ (‘Oh she lies half burning / From the battling crows… There’s a new world / Somewhere a good girl / Lives and breathes’) are as carefully written as the subtle melodies Burton weaves around them.

Sure, ‘The Ghost Inside’ has undertones of the Gnarls Barkley hit ‘Crazy’ and ‘Your Head Is On Fire’ could pass as an MGMT track on valium, and yes, musically you aren’t going to hear anything on this album that hasn’t already been done before, but the point is, Broken Bells do it fucking well.

Somewhere between trip hop, psychedelia, folk rock and eccentric pop you’ll find this album and if you’re a fan of any of those genres, it will be one of the best albums you’ll hear this year.

You don’t have to be a music aficionado to appreciate this album, which is why I would recommend it, very highly, to just about anyone.

Final Verdict: 8/10

A Word From The Kind Folks At Nokia

May 2020