Posts Tagged ‘^5


Saturday Night – A Photo Journey

So yeah, we lost radio transmission for a few days back there and yesterday’s post wasn’t exactly what you’d call ‘worth a damn’ (not in my opinion anyway, I mean sure, there’s nothing wrong with pics of girls with see-through bras splashing around in pools, by there was no goddamn SUBSTANCE there! Nothing to sink your teeth into!) so here’s what went down at our farewell party.

In the beginning everything was cool, everything was chilled. The sun actually broke through the clouds for the first time in what felt like months sometime around 1pm, just before the party started. Not long after that, we posed for a sexy photo, me, J-Rab and THE CLAW OF DEATH!



A bunch of radass people arrived, one of which was Action Jackson who, even though he’s been at almost every party I’ve documented on this blog, has never actually had his picture published on this blog.

Ladies and gentlemen. With no further ado. I present to you. A great man and a personal friend of mine for the last 15 years. Wearing a Woody The Woodpecker T-Shirt and a badass grin. Mister. ACTION! JACKSON!



Another radass person to arrive was Graumpot. I asked him to hit us with his best ‘Heeeeeerrrrrrreeeeeee’s JOHNNY!’ face and good god did he nail it!



At this point, Jacey-got-the-aceys pushed me in the pool. The Red Mist descended. I got out, wrestled his ass to the ground, tried to tear his head off and generally put on a killer show for everyone else at the party, who all just stood around staring at us in a kind of shocked silence.

Shortly thereafter, everything was forgotten. Jacey gave me a high-five, I gave him a *5! and much hilarity ensued. Here’s a picture of some hilarity ensuing.



Then something weird happened and things took a turn, a dark turn, for the worst. Night fell and the volume of alcohol consumed took a sharp increase. Confusion reigned supreme, all around there was wailing and gnashing of teeth and somewhere, out of nowhere, a strange 40-year old man arrived and drank too much.

He then proceeded to try and pose in a ‘cool’ way for photos. But it wasn’t cool. I’m… sorry you have to see this…



After that, everything went to hell in a handbasket. More people arrived and we instantly made friends for life and then forgot each other’s names and had some more tequila. A loud splash was heard from the direction of the pool and before I knew what the hell was going on, I was in there, surrounded by ladies, it was amazing, it was like girl soup in there, party on Wayne!



And THAT my friends, was only the beginning of the party. Things still carried on until the wee hours, it was a truly sick, sick, sick party, wish you could have been there!

To end things off, here’s my favourite pic of me and J-Rab from Saturday. Sure, we might look a little drunk, a little starry-eyed, but more than anything we’re just happy to be surrounded by our friends on a warm summer evening, shooting the breeze and making some of the last memories of our life together in Joburg.



Thank you for taking this photo journey with me and my pals. Next stop CAPE TOWN MUTHUFUKKAHS!



The One Thing I Feel Is Missing From The Interweb

I’ve been using the interweb since the day it was first launched way back in 2007, and as such, I consider myself one of the leading experts on anything to do with the literally hundreds of things you can do on the interweb.



Don’t believe me? Fine. Here’s a list of all the things I’ve mastered on the interweb so far:

  • Gmail – remembering my password and login name, sending, receiving and forwarding electronic mails and spotting scam emails in a second, Fishers beware!
  • Facebook – becoming friends with people from as far afield as Cape Town, Bloemfontein and Durban in real time. Also, I’ve ‘friended’ three people from outside the continent, all of whom are influential businessmen from thriving countries such as Nigeria and Zimbabwe. These businessmen are trusting me with literally millions of dollars of money they’ve inherited now that I’ve given them all my banking details. Can you say CA-CHING!
  • Google – searching for online information on anything from stock markets to unit share prices to Federal Intelligence Agency files, you name it! Have also mastered boolean algorithms like TYPING SEARCHES IN ALL CAPS TO MAKE IT GO FASTER
  • Porn – watching any kind of porn I want, like robot sex machines, or midgets FOR FREE, ANYTIME I WANT! Um, except for at work… some guy used all our bandwidth in two days awhile back, right after I first started, and now certain sites are banned…
  • Twitter – getting thousands of followers by clicking a simple link. I’m definitely winning at Twitter, the aim of which is to get more followers than your friends so you can tell them what song you’re listening to, what you’re eating and what it was like the last time you went to the loo

Now that I have your respect and you can see the mad interweb skillz I have, I’ll tell you something that I always thought was missing from the interweb.

If you’re instant chatting with a friend or family member and are in a friendly mood, on the interweb you can send them a ‘^5!’ which isn’t some kind of strange maths equation (don’t worry, I also thought that), but actually a really ‘sick’ way of writing ‘high five!’.



Off the chain.

There is even a variation which I managed to decode in a mere matter of weeks which is ‘v5!’. No, this doesn’t mean Version 5! it actually means ‘low five!’, which people use to indicate that they want one ‘down-low’ instead of ‘up-high’.

What I believe is missing is the kind of ‘five’ you see in a lot of sporting games like rugby, soccer, cricket, hockey, ice hockey, football, American football, tennis, croquet, darts, badminton, judo, pole vaulting and shuttlecock when the one guy does scores a goal or shuttles his cock really well and his team mate gives him a jocular pat on the arse.



My buddy Stikey felt the same way and actually took things a step further and went ahead and invented the ‘*5!’ which is used to indicate a jocular pat on the arse.

So far I’ve tried it out on a number of my buddies with pretty damn hilarious consequences. Here’s some IM chats copy / pasted for your reading pleasure. In this one I was mid sentence when I did a complete 360 degree turn and launched into it:

me: sure, im down with that we’re organis- hey, what the fuck?!
  dude, it’s Elvis!
name withheld: where?!
me: (*5!)
  hahahah! too easy
name withheld: hahaha
  you threw me off guard there
  i even looked!
me: you have no idea what just happened, but you feel violated
name withheld: i feel let down that elvis hasnt showed up 😦

Classic! Then there was this chat that happened yesterday:

me: have you been there with [name withheld]?
  be honest
name withheld: no. some married complication.
me: cool
  never cross that line
  shit gets ugly
name withheld: you been there?
me: nigga please!
name withheld: did his wife find out?
me: actually,
her wife found out
  and joined in!
name withheld: ^5!
me: ^5!
  hey, look it’s elvis!
name withheld: *facepalm

See what I mean?! Flip, I really think I’m onto something here. Thing to do is start *5!-ing all your friends as soon as possible, and let’s spread the word of this awesome way to interact / practise borderline sexual harassment over the internet.



I really think this has legs guys, I really think this could be the thing that I will be remembered for in days, nay, weeks to come over the interweb. So let’s all band together and sprea-

Hey, what the fuck?! Is that Elvis scrounging around in that dustbin?


Heh heh heh.

It’s THAT easy 😉


A Word From The Kind Folks At Nokia

May 2020