This weekend we man the fuck up.
We don’t sit around wrapped up in our adorable little scarves with our ironic T-shirts, skinny jeans and quaint hats, fuck no!
We don’t listen to arty-farty indie folk bands and smoke our medium shag rolleys whilst talking about some obscure bistro we found that serves the best aubergine pate we’ve EVER tasted, fuck no!
This weekend we batten down the fucking hatches with a case of quarts, that’s right, QUARTS motherfuckers, and we grow a pair of fucking huge, hairy, ugly BALLS!
So get some dirty overalls, break out the Motörhead and prepare yourselves.
We’re joining the 100s club
1. You drink one shot of beer every minute for 100 consecutive minutes
2. If you pee, it’s game over
3. If you vom, it’s game over
It’s genius in it’s simplicity, but getting this one right ain’t as easy as it sounds. Listen up, the following information will make or break your 100s club attempt, trust me, I’ve done this twice and the first attempt WAS NOT pretty.
A little advice before we begin from your Tiger pal:
- Hit the liquor store. A shot is 30mls so 30mls x 100 minutes = 3000mls = 3litres. That’s right, you’re going to drink 3 litres of beer in just under two hours. Imagine inserting a beer drip directly into your arm and letting it drip continuously into your blood stream for 100 minutes because that’s pretty much EXACTLY what 100s Club is like
- A quart is 750mls so 4 and you’re all set, but definitely get 5 to compensate for spillage
- Also, stock up on as many plastic shot glasses as possible while you’re there, I’d recommend at least 20 per person, I’ll tell you why later
- Give yourself about 40 mins before you start to wring your bladder dry and DO NOT drink anything. Depending on your constitution you should be able to handle the 100 shots without chundering, but you’ll probably need to piss so bad you’ll end up tying a knot in your dick to try and relieve the strain on your internal organs
- Get a tray, lay all the shot glasses out and start filling them up before you start. This will save your fucking life. The flatter the beer the less chance you’ll end up like me the first time I tried this. I got the 100 shots down in 100 minutes but the second the last one was down I sprinted to the bathroom and puked foam. I’ve never felt so bloated in my entire goddamn life! My stomach had turned into a gigantic, badly poured 3 litre draft because the buddy I did it with and I only had two shot glasses, don’t make that mistake
- Appoint a referee, someone to keep time who can put up with you at your very drunkest and won’t be tempted to get hammered themselves. Without one, by the time you’re 50 shots in the game will have already degenerated into a beer-fuelled nightmare of “Whassa fuckin’ TIME man?! Aren’t we supposto havanother shot now?” and “I don’ mean thisina fucking GAY way oranything man, but I love you dude, ok?” No. Not okay. A referee is non-negotiable
- Don’t make any fucking plans. You do not want to be seen in public once your 100 minutes are up because trust me, it will get messy and if you even CONSIDER getting behind a wheel, I will track you down and beat you so hard you’ll be shitting teeth for a WEEK
That, gentlemen, is the mission this weekend. I’m going to tell you straight up that I won’t be joining you on this one because for one I’m too fucking poor to splurge out on anything that isn’t crucial to my basic survival and for two, after getting my 100s club wings twice, I think I have sclerosis.
Good luck out there. And if you do decide to attempt it, be sure to take as many pics as possible to prove it and send them to Uncle Slick. You’ll instantly get an honourable mention on the site and all the goddamn glory you can handle.
Make me proud you sick basterds.
Make me proud