Archive for May, 2011


The Friday Metal Band Name Challenge

It’s a well-known fact that if a man goes without sex for long enough, he starts seriously considering starting a metal band.

It’s either that or self-destruct in a testosterone-fuelled explosion that could level an entire city block.

Instead, for the good of mankind he starts wearing black T-shirts, black nail polish, gets a whole bunch of tattoos he’s definitely going to regret the day he starts getting regular sex and finds other men who can’t get laid to start a band that, ironically, plays music that limits their chances of getting laid even more.



I am of course generalising here, but to me there’s always been something about metal that stinks of frustration and desperation. I speak from experience here because between in my early teens I LOVED metal which, believe it or not, was also a time in my life when I would have literally given a toe to get laid.

Coincidence? I don’t fucking think so.

But, as any decent metal band will tell you, it’s not enough to just belt out insanely fast metal accompanied by guttural roaring while everyone in the band whips their long, dirty hair around in a slow spin cycle like some kind of washing machine from hell.

You also need a fucking evil name AND it must be written in the most retarded way possible so that it’s basically impossible to read.

I found some great examples of this on a flyer I randomly picked up at Mercury about a month back, so with no further ado, I present to you THE FRIDAY METAL BAND NAME CHALLENGE, GGGGWWWWWWAAAAAAAAARRARARARARARGHGHRGAHGHGH!



The first one’s piss easy. These guys really could have tried a little harder, let’s be honest. Despite the slightly confusing way the letters are mashed together, we can still clearly make out both the vowels and consonants and though the spacing between words is a total mess I think it’s pretty safe to say that this band is called “A Walk With The Wicked”.

Sorry guys, but more effort is needed with his one I’m afraid. All in all I give this band name a 4/10.

On to contestant number two!



Beautiful. Just have a look at that one again. Impressive work. See the way they’ve totally fucked all the letters up so that the band name makes “angry eyes”? This kind of name makes other metal bands quake in terror while the rest of us wonder what the fuck a “Suiderbeez” is.

That’s what I’m getting from this – Suiderbeez. Anyone else care to hazard a guess? Maybe Zuiderbeez?

“Zuiderzee” was a shallow bay of the North Sea in the northwest of the Netherlands, but I’m pretty sure the second angry eye is a malformed “b”, but yeah, I could be wrong…

Either way, these guys have done a bang up job. Their band name looks evil, angry and is damn near unreadable – I give this one a solid 8/10. Bang up job guys.

Now prepare yourselves for the motherfuckin’ UNHOLY MESS that is motherfuckin’ band name number three MOTHERFUCKERS!



I really hope you were sitting down for that, cause these guys smashed this one right out of the fucking park!

What is going on here? Seriously, can anyone please tell me what that fucking word says?! Every goddamn letter looks like an “H”. The best I got is “Heateast”? Or maybe “Fighthens”? Fuck, that must be it! “Fight Hens!” Makes perfect sense! Don’t take any shit from those egg-laying little bitches – FIGHT HENS!

Anyone else got any ideas? Cause I’m fresh out…

In a way I guess it’s quite smart marketing for the band because this way I might actually be persuaded to catch a live show just to find out what the hell they are called. What did the English language ever do to them that made them so angry they had to write their band name in the “Church Of Satan On Crack” font?

These guys get a 10/10. Actually fuck it, they get an 11/10 because fonts like that don’t just appear out of nowhere, it takes countless hours of praying to Satan to get that shit right.

And that brings us to the end of the Friday Metal Band Name Challenge. Feel free to submit more if you feel they can live up to the epic standard set by Fight Hens and have yourselves a killer weekend Winking smile



Slicktiger Rocks The Xbox Kinect (week 1)

So as many of you who follow me on Twitter probably know from the pic I posted last week, I’ve recently gotten my hands on the Xbox Kinect system for a three week review, along with three games, Kinect Sports, Kinect Adventures and Dance Central.



I took the review unit I received home last week and connected it up to my TV / stereo system in no time. It’s dead easy to hook up and connecting the Kinect sensor is as easy as plugging a wire into your Xbox and positioning the sensor in a spot near the TV where it can clearly see you (I put it on the tv itself. We’re rocking an old-school CRT TV monitor because, well, it was a hand-me-down from a late gran and we can’t afford anything else).

Here’s where things get freaky. Soon as the sensor is plugged in and fired up, it actively starts looking for you. It moves its little sensor-head (that kinda looks like Johnny 5’s head from the film Short Circuit) up and down until it has a lock on not only your body, but also exactly where it is positioned in relation to the sensor.



In layman’s terms, this means the Kinect not only tracks your movements from left to right, but also tracks your movement towards and away from the sensor (your depth, in other words).

I fired up Kinect Sports first and eagerly performed my stretches while the game started.

Fair warning at this point (courtesy of @HollieHepburn), put some clothes on. As much as you, like me, might look forward to nothing more at the end of your day than coming home, stripping down and getting to work on a bottle of fine scotch, just keep in mind that the Xbox takes pics of you while you game.

You can choose to share these pics or keep them private, but either way, they are stored on the device somewhere, and much like that porn video you shot for the fun of it one drunken night with your girlfriend at the time, they could get you in trouble…



We then proceeded to spend the next three hours, totally immersed in Kinect Sports, where we took part in everything from long jump to ping pong, using just our bodies and were both amazed at how responsive and accurate the sensor is.

Running on the spot makes your character sprint around a track, making a throwing gesture over your head launches a javelin, kicking makes him pass a soccer ball, a straight bowling gesture makes him bowl a straight ball while a curved one puts some spin on it – that’s some next level shit right there!



Needless to say, our first experience of the Xbox Kinect system was a lot of fun and the first thing we thought to do was call up all our friends and invite them around to play as well.

The Kinect is definitely more fun when you play with at least another two or three people. As a solo gamer it would probably feel a little lonely gaming by yourself, but hey, you can always take all your clothes off to make it interesting Winking smile

Stay tuned for more write-ups as I get more into the Xbox Kinect system and keep a special eye out for the Dance Central episode, which promises to be packed full of pictures of me and J-Rab shakin’ it like ritards on the living room dancefloor.

Good times.




Democracy is important, which is why today you should vote Zoltron.

Zoltron is not just any interplanetary conqueror / destroyer, Zoltron is also a kind and sensitive slavemaster who, as you can see in the picture below, happens to love nature and even has a plant that is his friend.

A vote for Zoltron is a vote for happiness, which is why his campaign slogan is “Think of the puppies”.

With Zoltron as your undisputed Lord and Master, you’ll never have to worry about getting a job because everyone will automatically be employed for Zoltron. You’ll also never have to feel self-conscious about how much you earn because everyone will earn the same amount!*

So c’mon. Be a pal and vote Zoltron. You know it’s right, I know it’s right and Zoltron, well, there is no right and wrong for Zoltron, just his undisputed rule or a slow and torturous death.

Have you thought of the puppies?

Vote Zoltron today!






A Post For The Children

Once in awhile, us kind folks here at SlickTiger Industries take a break from posting about completely random / crazy / mentally disturbing subject matter and try to do a little good in this cold, cruel world of ours.

Of course, these posts are seldom very popular because no one is interested in humanitarianism unless there’s something in it for them.

Don’t be one of those people. A good friend of mine is entering the following video into the 2011 Cannes Lions 48 Hour Ad Contest. She scripted, shot and edited this video in exactly two days in order to raise awareness for

Click this video twice to open and watch it in YouTube and when you’re done, click the ‘like’ button under the video.

It will take exactly one minute to do, but could end up saving a child’s life.



I know you guys will do the right thing here, you’re badass that way Winking smile





Altered Art Monday

It’s a weird week for us Saffas with Wednesday being a public holiday so today I thought I’d post some art that reflects that.

Here’s a collection of what’s known as ‘altered thrift store art’ or, in other words, really cheesy and over-sentimental vignettes that people (mostly Banksy actually) have fucked with and made awesome.

Much like this week Winking smile















Mindgun – One Seriously Badass Site

The saying goes that you’ll never meet your future wife in a bar and I think there’s a lot of truth in that, but man-o-man, if I had to write a list of all the twisted, crazy fuckers who’ve ended up being great friends that I met in bars, it would be a goddamn mile long!

Mr D was one of those fine, upstanding maniacs (read this story as proof). I met him on a night when I was playing a gig in Grahamstown. He was knocking back a pint of stout and eyeing the bar like at any minute he might pull a knife out and lay into someone for making eye contact, so naturally I walked over and started up a conversation with the man.



We struck up a friendship that I regard as a personal best based on the acres of common ground we shared through the bands we listened to, the questionable literature (mainly comic books) and movies we were into and our common appreciation of the whisky-drinking, hard-living, party-loving legacy artists like Jim Morrison left as an example for us mere mortals to live up to.

And man-o-man, did Mr D and I live it up. We eventually worked as barmen at the same dodgy-assed pizza joint where our only mission from one shift to the next was to see just how drunk we could get without passing out / getting fired.

Those were the old days, the bad days, the all or nothing days. It was blood for blood by the gallon and we were ready for war Winking smile

Over the years we went our separate ways. Mr D now teaches English in Korea, but recently we’ve been able to stay in contact thanks to the blog site he started, Mindgun.

The man is a killer photographer and actually worked as a staff photographer for The Argus (among other papers) in Cape Town before he left for Korea.

His mission with Mindgun is to take a picture everyday and write a couple sentences / paragraphs about it so his photographic muscle doesn’t atrophy while he’s over there.

I’ve thrown in a couple of my favourites below and as you can see, he’s no slouch behind a lens.









He’s a great writer and an even better shooter so his site gets my full recommendation as an awesome place to stop by when you have a minute. It’s also pretty fascinating to read about Korea and his experience of it from the cuisine (pig spine soup and dog penis fish) to its culture and history and Mr D is right in the thick of it, guns blazing, writing about what he sees in the only way he knows how – with 100% unashamed honesty.

So be a pal and bookmark the man’s site, you’ll be a better person for it.

Otherwise have yourselves a killer weekend party people, I’ll see you all same time, same place on Monday.

Until then Winking smile



Album Launch: Taxi Violence – Long Way From Home

Awhile back I bitched and moaned about how South African bands are a bunch of limp dick unclefuckers who need to man the fuck up and play some dirty, sexy rock music already.

Well, I’m happy to say I can add one band to the list of SA bands I actually like and that band is Taxi Violence.

I saw them live at Mercury a month or two back when they did a seriously killer cover of “Riders On The Storm” with We Set Sail. I was well impressed not only with the cover, but also Taxi Violence themselves who, much like Queens Of The Stone Age, have breathed life back into old school 60s / 70s rock and made it unapologetically badass.



Then, about two weeks back, I ran into George (frontman and vocalist) at Mercury and did this thing I do when I’m drunk when I shoot the breeze with people in bands like I’m catching up with an old highschool buddy.

It’s a test because some people in bands think they’re God’s fucking gift to the planet so I talk to them like they’re normal humans and they either act like I’m a weirdo and run away or they shoot the breeze back and we end up having epic discussions about music and the South African scene.

George definitely proved to be a stand up guy and even invited me to check out the launch of their acoustic album Long Way From Home.

So J-Rab and I headed on down to the Plane-arium for an intimate showcase of what the Taxi lads have been up to and I was pretty blown away.



Old favourites like “The Mess”, “Devil ‘n Pistol” and “The Turn” sound like they’ve been taken apart and rebuilt from scratch, a refreshing change from most bands who just swap electric guitars for acoustic ones and serve up warmed up leftovers thinly disguised as an album actually worth listening to.

Their acoustic rendition of “Heads and Tails” is particularly noteworthy both on the album and when they played it live. It was pretty hilarious us all reclining on our seats in the Plane-arium with the stars wizzing overhead because whenever Taxi got the crowd bopping your seatback would start moving in time to the music as other people sitting in the same row literally “rocked” out. “Heads And Tails” produced that effect immediately.

They’ve also shot a new video for the song, which they opened their set with which sadly they haven’t uploaded to their YouTube channel yet, but look out for it when they do, it’s a very cool take on the Groundhog Day premise and, in keeping with the song, asks the question if you knew the dice were rigged, how would you play the game?



One of my songs they played was their new track “Long Way From Home”, about a country boy hitting the big city, a dreamer who “Followed the buzz until he hit the hive”. It’s got an upbeat, bluesy / rock flavour played with bright, jangling guitars and tambourines that reminded me of some of the earlier Supergrass albums.

I’d highly recommend checking out Taxi’s FB page for their upcoming gigs so you can get a chance to hear their acoustic set and, if you’re lucky enough, getting a picture with the square-headed mascott that adorns the new album cover.



So big up to George for the invite and the guys from Taxi Violence for a killer gig and for hooking me up with a copy of the new album. It doesn’t look like it in the picture below, but I was really stoked to get the actual, physical album. I think that’s the first CD I’ve been given in about 5 years.




A Word From The Kind Folks At Nokia

May 2011
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