28
Jan
10

The Parlotones Irritate The Living Shit Out Of Me

There are very few SA bands that I actually like, in fact I could probably count them all on one hand and most of them don’t play anymore.

Anyone remember Squeal? Early Nude Girls (before Carstens became a jerk)? Boo? Sugardrive? I used to dig those bands, they had a great sound and put out a good couple of albums that were pretty decent.

 

 

I find the bands playing these days largely uninspiring with a few exceptions, one of which is Lark – Inge Beckman is the kind of girl you wouldn’t look twice at walking down a street (well, depending on what she was wearing) but on stage she’s all kinds of sexy.

Then there are SA’s favourite bands, the Prime Circles and the aKings and the Goldfishes of this world and whatever you do, DO NOT fuck with their fans. They are fiercely loyal and won’t hesitate to swear at you loudly for ‘not supporting South African music’ if you tell them that those bands are shit.

And lastly, there’s the Parlotones. If you don’t know who the Parlotones are, then I’m not quite sure what you’re doing reading this post. Crawl back under the rock you’ve been hiding under and stay there, because fuck man, the Parlotones are EVERYWHERE!

 

 

That song that plays in Outsurance adds? Parlotones. The free album that came with your Sony Ericsson W995? Parlotones. The band that played at the last big corporate function you attended? Parlotones. The band associated with Gigabyte laptops? Parlotones. The only SA band to launch its own wine? Parlotones. The band you hear playing in your worst nightmares? Miley Cyrus. But when she’s too busy working the pole, you bet your ass, it’s the Parlotones.

To be honest, I didn’t really give a flying fuck about any of that. You think it’s easy for SA bands to actually make a living out of gigging and selling albums? Think again buddy, it’s fucking difficult. At least 95% of SA bands have day jobs because the music industry in this country is miniscule in comparison to the rest of the world and the sad reality of being a musician in this country is that is doesn’t pay the bills.

So by all means, get in bed with a couple of sponsors, why the hell not? Cash in on your hard work, atta boy!

BUT there is a line. And the Parlotones crossed it when they got in bed with that giant behemoth of the fast food industry: KFC.

‘We driiiiiiiiiinnnnkkk, we driiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnkkkkkk, we driinnkk from the cupa LIE-YEE-IF!’

If I have to see that advert once more on TV I’m going to tear my fucking face off.

If you haven’t seen it, it’s part of this new series of adverts KFC has shot that all feature this nerdy, glasses-wearing girl who’s wetting herself because she’s on set for the filming of the Parlotones new video.

Amidst the hustle and bustle and action of everything going on around her gets all flustered and in one ad has a Parlotones SnackBox thrust at her and in another one, an ice cream. I don’t understand the logic behind either of these adverts, but I think the underlying message is ‘Eat some KFC and shut the fuck up.’

 

 

I found both adverts cringe-worthy, but the newest one, in which our nerdy heroine is pretending to jam Parlotones frontman Kahn Morbee’s guitar in a dressing room when he walks in on her, is definitely a new low for a band that I didn’t think could top their previous efforts at whoring themselves off to the highest bidder.

Are they on crack?! What band in its right mind would agree to have one of their songs (I presume it’s their song) butchered by a girl with the acting talent of limp celery?

What’s even worse is after Kahn walks in on her and asks for his guitar back, she bashfully stands up, edges towards him and then lunges at his face for a snog.

Aaaaarrrrrggghhhh! WWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYY?!

The saddest part of the whole thing though is that in researching this piece (yes, I actually do that sometimes, don’t look so shocked) I got a hold of both Radio Controlled Robot and A World Next Door To Yours (the Parlotones 2005 and 2007 albums) and I have to admit, grudgingly, that they’re OK. Not mind-blowing, not life-changing, but also not utterly crap.

 

 

I even took things a step further and found out how much it costs to hire the Parlotones for a corporate function and get this, the booking fee starts at R70k which, after you’ve divided it up between their agent, their manager, their technicians, logistical costs of moving their equipment etc, etc, etc probably only works out to be a couple of thousand, if that, for the band.

A couple of thousand to stand in front of a room of fat, balding men and bored, middle-aged women while you belt out songs about how colourful you are. That’s gotta start destroying your soul sooner or later.

Maybe what this piece should have been is an indictment against the South African music industry and how it forces bands who want to actually make it big in this country to turn themselves into big fat whores in order to do so, but the music industry in this country has always been like that. It’s not going to change, no matter how much we bitch and moan about it.

Local bands would do well to take a page out of Saron Gas / Seether’s book. They had the talent to make it internationally and so that’s exactly what they did. Sure, they’ve been called traitors for leaving SA and turning their backs on the country that made them, but seriously what the fuck else were they going to do?

Have their faces plastered all over KFC SnackBoxes? Fuck. That.

 

 

Making it big in Europe or the States should be the end goal for any local band because the sad fact of the matter is that the music industry here doesn’t have the money and resources to properly support and promote local talent unless you sell out in the most degrading way possible.

Never do this though. No amount of money in the world can replace your integrity as an artist and once that’s gone, it won’t be the cup of life you’ll be drinking from my friend, it will be the cup of crap you’ve irritated out of people.

1 Band 1 Cup, now featuring the Parlotones!

I rest my case.

-ST

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53 Responses to “The Parlotones Irritate The Living Shit Out Of Me”


  1. January 28, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    They just irritate the shit out of me because of their music, fuck the corporate deals.

    Want to get a record deal in SA? Sound just as generic as every other SA band that has ever gotten a deal.

    I remember Squeal actually, they were the opening act for Def Leppard back in…96 I think. It was a pretty bad set though so they didn’t exactly win many people over.

  2. January 28, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    remember the days of Perez and The Narrow? those were the good ol’ days…

    “Have some KFC and shut the fuck up” << that's it *exactly*.

    What are the parlotones going to put their faces on next? toilet paper? condoms? eish.

    i guess we'll have to wait and see. and you're a far better person than me for bringing yourself to listen to their music. I can't bear it.

    Like tara says…genericism reigns supreme with those eyeliner wearing paffs.

    ps: i read somewhere that you wear eyeliner too. no offense intended to you with previous comment re eyeliner-wearing paffs.

    pps: i bet you make it look manly, right? 😉

    • January 28, 2010 at 1:50 pm

      Woah, woah, easy does it – that eyeliner stint was totally a once-off thing I did to freak some people out at a 27Dinner (it worked) and ya! I made it look fucking manly as fuck! Hoo-aa!

      Perez! The Narrow! Proof that they just don’t make ’em like they used to.

      -ST

  3. 4 Stacey
    January 28, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    FYI… The Parlotones just came back from a WORLD tour which was hugely successful. They are big names in Holland & Russia. I’d say that is pretty good for any band and the Parlotones have worked long and hard to get where they are today.
    @Tara I respect your opinion but they definitely do not sound like every other generic band out there. They have such a unique sound which is what I love most about them. Plus, they are AWESOME live!

    • January 28, 2010 at 1:26 pm

      Hey, look, kudos to the guys for the World Tour and all that, the issue I have is that they came back.

      -ST

    • January 28, 2010 at 3:42 pm

      FYI – David Hasselhoff was huge in Russia, Holland and Germany. That doesn’t make his singing career “hugely successful”. I’m sorry Stacy but you’re along on this one.

      I’ll admit, The Parlortones have got talent but their music groans form over-production which is the same level of over-production that many other SA bands are subjected to.

      The music is flat and lifeless – it’s as simple as that. But that’s what you get when local production houses aren’t willing to pay for more than an audio production student from Allenby Campus to master every single band in South Africa.

      Take Seether for example. Their music as Saron Gas was great, but when they went overseas and employed a producer who knew what he was doing, they became legends. Take a listen to the pre- and post-Saron Gas edits of Fine Again and 69 Tea. Chalk and cheese.

      If the P’tones stopped whoring around and got a decent producer, I reckon they won’t be half as boring or generic as they are today. And they’d be just as big as Seether. Mark my words.

    • February 3, 2013 at 7:09 pm

      Absolutely agree..Since seeing their concert on AXS i can’t get enuff of their music!!!! Can’t wait till they come to Denver to see them live!!!!

  4. 8 dee
    January 28, 2010 at 2:27 pm

    i don’t watch tv and i don’t listen to the radio (i stick to dvds & my ipod because they don’t let me down) and yet i actually have seen that KFC ad and heard that outsurance song. fuck.

  5. January 28, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    Stacey dear – they are not “awesome live” – that, if anything could be singled out as being their giant mistake (see what I did there?), is it. Much like Mr Tiger, I thought that the Parlotones on Radio Controlled Robot and WNDTY were actually ok – I even saw them a few times – K’bosch and the like. There hasn’t been a single occasion when Kahn hasn’t messed up something. His “different” version of the “The Impossible” at Kirstenbosch a couple of years back springs immediately to mind, which is why I’m smiling.
    Hell – he even apologised for COMPLETELY MISSING THE FIRST NOTE (twice).
    That’s his job – he’s a singer – it’s what he does – at least get that bit right.

    As for the “They’ve just been on a world tour” thing – they played alongside one of my mate’s bands – The Last Republic (well worth a listen) in Cardiff. And an audience of 30. Woo. Define “hugely successful” for me: Weren’t involved in any freak yachting accidents? Got slightly undercharged at MacDonalds drive-thru in Frankfurt? Pulled a chick in Moscow who didn’t have obvious herpes? Meh – it’s all relative, I guess.

    And this latest Stardust Galaxies shit? Well, it’s shit.

    • January 28, 2010 at 3:18 pm

      Hahahaha! 6000! Love your work 🙂 Thanks for the heads-up on Stardust Galaxies, was considering giving it a listen because I dunno, I think I’m retarded or something, thanks for slapping some sense back into me.

      -ST

      (also, I see what you did there. Sneaky 6000. Very sneaky)

  6. January 28, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Jesus… what a bunch of purists. I’ve never seen such vitriolic spew over a local band before. I’m sure there are the haters out there and I’m pretty sure this is not the first but, really.

    ST I can see that your actual point about this post is related to the music industry and what local artists have to “ultimately” do to make real cash and to that point I agree. Taking it out on the Parlotones – not so sure about that.

    The thing about them is that they made a conscious decision to stay in SA and not go overseas like all the others. They are one of (if not the) most successful local bands in SA selling over 100k copies of A World Next Door To Yours and Stardust Galaxies went platinum in its first week of sales. This is unprecedented in an SA context and yet if you think about it, it’s a minute amount of records to sell.

    I’ve never been a big SA music fan but I dig the Parlotones – always have and probably always will. You call it genericism and I call it unique, that’s the reason I started to listen to them in the first place because it didn’t sound like the general crap coming out of SA.

    I just think it’s unfair to lambaste a band for capitalising on their fame while they still can. They are probably never going to be more popular in this country so I say VIVA to capitalism while you still can!

    If you don’t like it then I suggest you “Have some KFC and shut the fuck up”…

  7. January 28, 2010 at 4:09 pm

    BTW – ST, I love your site man. Having read a couple posts from you now I have to say you have a brilliant writing style!

  8. 15 alan
    January 28, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    I think the Parlotones are an entirely made up band to serve one purpose and one purpose only: market and sell Colonel Sanders’ new boneless chicken to the unsuspecting public..

  9. January 28, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    The thing I don’t get about South African audiences is, as soon as you criticise a South African band, you are branded something in line with, “You don’t support local music bru! Just piss off overseas if you haf a problem wif it!”

    That is true. I don’t support South African music, not out of principle, but because the quality is generally pretty shite. That is a big reason why I left for the UK. There, the benchmark for quality is considerably less forgiving than in South Africa. “Hey, my friend is in a band hey. They are pritty good like hey. Sort of like Coldplay, or who are those okes, um… Travis. Ja! They’re kief. Yoo shood like check them out like hey.”

    Saying that it is unique and different to the rest of the world is fair, but that does not mean to say it’s any good. Most of the time, the bands come off as sounding like poor imitators of bygone international fads such as nu-metal and god-awful pseudo-punk (I’m looking at you Tweak), when truly, they have missed the boat by about 5 years…

    I’m afraid to admit it, but the only pioneering music to come out of the country in the last 15 years is kwaito.

    So, this isn’t a direct reflection on Parlotones mentioned in this article, but rather on the SA music industry as a whole.

    Stop supporting music by the fact that it is local and by doing so perpetuating mediocrity, instead be more discerning and critical. Then we can see all the filth drip through the cracks and genial bands like Lark, The Ocean Doesn’t Want Me, (Fuck, I’m running out of bands to list… help?) would be able to carry the flag. Unfortunately Lark don’t exist anymore. Can anyone else take their place?

    @ Justin Hartman

    You’ll probably have something to say about my comment, here’s a preemptive put down:

    If you don’t like it then I suggest you “Have some KFC and shut the fuck up”…

    Almost forgot to diss Parlotones… Parlotones are not a rock band, they’re a cock band. As in, they love the cock and give each other Dutch rudders (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhTyWqJIJgU).

  10. 18 Siskha Brand
    January 28, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    I’m with Justin on this one. Love The Parlotones. If the rest of you guys feel they are so worthless – why devote this much energy to the subject? Take some happy pills.

  11. January 28, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    I have to say by about your third paragraph I was going to cuss you and the way you dress but reading further down I actually have to compliment you on putting together a really decent post.

    Don’t agree on your take on the Parlotones (but rate Seather) but each to their own. Agree 100% on the KFC advert – its a helluva irritation but at the end of the day it pays the bills for them.

    However the way you put together the post, argued your perspective, chucked in a bit of humour – definately deserves some kudos.

    • January 29, 2010 at 9:00 am

      Thanks for the props Marc, I appreciate it dude! Good to see you got the humour in the post, sometimes my writing’s a little strong and comes across a bit like a homeless drunk proclaiming the apocalypse on a busy street corner.

      Stop by anytime – I do music reviews from time to time which you also might enjoy 😉

      -ST

  12. 21 PGGLS
    January 29, 2010 at 10:04 am

    “I’ve been thinking of the time IIIIIIII felt…… inspiiiiiiiired….”

    NO NO NO NO NO – GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!

    I just dont like the sounds of his whiny little pussy voice……

  13. 22 Glass House
    January 29, 2010 at 11:27 am

    ST – your site is great. I really enjoy your topics and I especially enjoyed this one, except for the part where The Parlotones are the worst thing to happen and they whore themselves etc. I am not a fan of their music, but whatever they have done, they have done it extremely well, in my opinion at least. So their music doesn’t appeal to everyone, but whose does?
    So they have endorsements coming out of their ears. They accept them purely because they are worth it. If Sony Ericsson offered you R5 million to put a few thousand albums on their handset, would you as a band not take it. If KFC offered you close to R10 million to have a meal named after you and a couple cheesey ads etc, would you not take it. I mean they are not the first band to be endorsed by a product. Remember Nike paid the Beatles $250 000 in 1987 to use Revolution in an ad campaign (even if it was against the wishes of their record label). Then their was Michael Jackson’s (love or loathe him, he was a genius) $5 million partnership with Pepsi in 1983. There is then a host of others out there – Jay-Z with Reebok and HP, U2 with Blackberry, Justin Timberlake with MacDonalds, Rolling Stones with Microsoft, Lenny Kravitz with Sony Ericsson, Willie Nelson with Wrangler, Duran Duran with Coke. I mean if memory serves me corectly, SABC even did something with Perez. Lets be honest all the SA bands would love that kinda money the Parlotones have been offered as it would have afforded them opportunities to do more than play at Roxy’s, Firkin, Burn and the Corner House. I am sure The Sugardrive guys or Perez or The Narrow for that matter would love that kinda money.

    As for their World Tour. Some territories were well supported and others were not as 6000 pointed out. But remember KISS the band – i recently read an interview with Gene Simmonds and he went on about how long they played to 20 odd people while trying to establish themselves. As I am sure millions and millions of bands.

    And then just to clear up ST’s investigation – “I even took things a step further and found out how much it costs to hire the Parlotones for a corporate function and get this, the booking fee starts at R70k which, after you’ve divided it up between their agent, their manager, their technicians, logistical costs of moving their equipment etc, etc, etc probably only works out to be a couple of thousand, if that, for the band.” – Firstly, whatever the fee is to hire them, none of the fee is used for logistical costs, production. Sure their engineers and roadies get paid, but they are on monthly salaries and management/agency gets a %.

    Fair enough the parlotones are not everyone’s cuppa tea, but at the end of the day they are a band that appeal to a certain market and that market seems to love what they do.

    • January 29, 2010 at 12:12 pm

      Nice comment, fahk! The facts and figures you list here are EXACTLY what I was looking for when I was putting this post together. Your point is a good one, who the hell would be able to turn down R10 million? If KFC offered me that much to plaster my site with advertising, would I be able to turn it down?

      I’d like to think of myself as a person with a certain level of integrity and as such, I think I would turn it down, but in the interest of moving on to bigger and better things, I might say yes.

      One thing is for sure though, if I went that route I know a lot of people who read this blog would be disappointed, people who supported it from day 0, and I’m sure the same is true for the Parlotones.

      It’s the age old question of quantity vs quality isn’t it? The difference between pleasing a mass audience and making a fortune or blowing the minds of a dedicated group of followers and possibly dying a pauper.

      Do you know that William Blake, who is widely regarded as one of the best poets the English-speaking world has ever known, struggled his entire life to eeke a living out of his art and was *this* close to being forgotten by the literary world entirely after his death in 1827? Nearly a century passed before Blake started to gain recognition for his work, the profound irony of which has always made me smile.

      It’s an idealistic view, I know, but there are some things out there that money can’t buy and integrity as an artist is definitely one of them. I suspect that there is a middle road the Parlotones could have walked, but that they chose to follow their greed instead and now we all have to watch them on TV every night, setting a bad example for other bands that want to make it big in this country.

      Thanks again for the comment though, really got me thinking 😉

      -ST

  14. 24 anon
    January 29, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    yeah….not a good comparison in terms of Nike’s usage of Revolution…that ad is still used as an example within the Nike family and various marketing forums as one of the most daring and successful step out ads their team has ever come up with, and they have come up with some pretty good ones.

    But you are correct, there is nothing wrong with connecting your band with a brand, it is a necessity if you wish to survive, it’s called publishing…but honestly, this KFC ad is bloody terrible… LARK (seeing that this is a band as an example of quality) wrote a song for a Sissy Boy advert, it was a cool ad but the main thing is that it did not use the bands faces or identity to market the product, nor did they compose in a manner which is very typical of the LARK sound, it was a good track. But they did not SELL OUT ANYTHING! They created a new track for them, did not give them one of their own.

    The Parlotones manager should be shot for allowing his band to be abused in every single orifice they posses, i feel dirty for them. By all means do the ad, but get a GOOD CONCEPT and do not commit until that creative team puts one down in front of you!!!! especially if you are going to put your name, your MUSIC and your face to it. It honestly looked like a low budget student class project, which translates into – the band do not care for quality when it comes to their name, they just care for the cheque that is signed before hand….and this is the fault of their manager for allowing this.

    Personally i don’t really care for bands who put the dollar before the music in such an obvious display….It just aint Rock n Roll….at least be clever about it.

  15. 25 Music is what youmake of it
    January 29, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    Who the F are the Parla who? please that is not a f—ing band thats an excuss for a bunch of friends to get together which is not all bad but please do not rate them with the rest of the world…….

  16. 26 Charles Manson
    January 29, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    Hey man, I agree with Mark, a pretty well constructed article with some fair points. Where I feel it lacks is where you seem to attack the individuals personally, by using terms such as ‘smoking cock’ (do you know for a fact what their sexual preferance may be?), you also seem to come across as somewhat homophobic by using it in a derogatory context (come on man this is 2010, what’s next advocating Apartheid in an attempt to get your point across?). Keep it objective, stick to the context because it starts to border on hate speech and you start sounding like a bitter failed musician rather than an objective ranter/blogger (what ever title you prefer). Just out of curiousity are you self employed or do you work for a corporate?

    • February 1, 2010 at 11:19 am

      Either you were born with an unfortunate name in Charles Manson, or I assume rather that you have a sense of humour which identifies with irony and its context. Do you not see the irony then in SlickTiger’s homophobic references?

  17. 28 poochee
    February 1, 2010 at 11:23 am

    wow, some of you take life way too seriously – especially mr Charles Manson! calm down for gods sake, not everything is attacking the gay community. You are being far too sensitive – that comment was just referring to his face in the picture- did you look at his face in the picture?? ST you write incredibly well and though your opinions are strong, you argue your point with passion and I admire your drive to live with integrity. I personally cannot stand the parlotones just as my own personal opinion, some of their music I admit I have had a little sing-a-long to but that’s just because I was lambasted with it having to listen to 94.7 all day at my old job. I used to have some semblance of respect for them, but they have sold out big time and hit the rock bottom of my list of musical talent… sorry but they fucking suck now and I want to kill myself every time I see one their ads – I actually stick my fingers in my ears and make a screaming sound so as not to hear it… Freshly Ground have put their songs in many TV ads and somehow they are not nearly as annoying – it says something about their talent don’t you think, and the fact that they probably have clever managers and producers who thought KFC was pretty much the lowest of the low….and WTF @glass house- Justin Timberlake and MacDonald’s – you actually used that as an argument?? good god man…?

  18. 29 Mark
    February 26, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    Brilliant stuff, ST!!

  19. 30 T&M
    March 18, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    oh blah blah blah

    parlotones??? more like monotones. They are a useless bunch with the creativity of an ant. That eye make up stuff is a total rip off of clockwork orange and the fact that they are huge in russia and holland is not something to sky ride, so is david hasselhoff people and in the grand scheme hes a tosser.

    If I have to hear that ruibbish one more time on the radio Im actually afraid for myself.

    I cannot believe they are going to be soiling the world cup opening ceremony with their heinous music.

    • March 18, 2010 at 5:09 pm

      Yo T&M, wattup!

      I’m not sure I agree with your argument with regards to The Parlotones having the creativity of an ant. See, ant societies have a division of labour, communication between individuals and an ability to solve complex problems that the Parlotones don’t.

      Therefore The Parlotones (or monotones as you so rightly point out) actually have LESS creativity than an ant.

      See what I did there (thanks Wikipedia!).

      You rock. Come visit again y’hear? I need more people like you reading my crazy ramblings.

      -ST

  20. 32 Trish S
    March 18, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    I love the Parlatones and have all their albums!!!! I often wear eyeliner just like he does to work, even though people tell me I look like a freak. I dont care because I am a Parlatones loving freak, and proud of it… Im colorful…

  21. 33 stickman
    March 30, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    i may just have found that blog that i have been waiting for my entire life.

    got dragged to the parlatones concert at kirstenbosch last year for a friend of my lady friend’s (see where i’m going with this?) birthday. thought about donning a balaclava so as not to be recognised and preserve my street cred, but apparently security’s not so much into that nowadays…

    had some heart-to-heart moments when i recognised the look of shame amongst some in the crowd, probably also dragged there by their girlfriends/boyfriends/grandmothers. for the most part though, highest proportion of turd fondlers i’ve yet encountered in a concert audience.

    • March 30, 2010 at 1:49 pm

      Hahahahahahah! ‘Turd fondlers’, haha, yes! Fuck! I’m with you dude, I’m with you.

      As long as bands like The Parlotones exist and pump their music into people’s fragile little minds like sewerage into the sea, the good guys lose.

      I loved this comment, it made my day. I’m granting you an all access pass to this site, come back whenever you feel the need and don’t worry about moderation, from now on any comments you post will appear instantly 😉

      -ST

    • August 19, 2011 at 3:51 pm

      It’s The Parlotones, not parlatones

  22. 36 Gary
    April 14, 2010 at 12:24 pm

    I agree with the fact that the first two albums are alright, and the new one is cack, but you have to remember that at least this band actually used their brains and manipulated their way to the top (fair play to em) and the reason why the band are happy to do cringeworthy ads would be so they can get money to fuel their next European tour, (once again, using your head). I think there is a rather SLIGHT detection of jealousy and resent here in your article “bru”.

    • April 14, 2010 at 12:47 pm

      Of course you’re detecting jealousy and resentment! Fuck, if I could be half as big as those clowns I’d be made!

      But I never will be. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much effort I pump into this site, into writing all original content and posting it everyday and trying to promote it as much as possible, I’ll never get even one tenth of the response the Parlotones have by endorsing fried chicken and laptops.

      -ST

  23. 38 Ashleigh James
    May 11, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    Oh my kin! I’ve found you at last! I utterly abhor the Parlotones and am aghast even after all this time, at the blatant disregard most people have (especially those BASTARD radio DJ’s) for good music; considering without forethought that South African bands are good, purely because they are South African. And they have the audacity to cry ‘unpatriotism’ when we dare voice our adverse opinions! In all honesty, I have yet to come across a local band that affects me in any manner other than pure irritation. If it’s not very poor songwriting, both lyrically and musically, (Funny face? For real?) it’s the blatant copy-cat attempt by many to sound international. An attempt where they fail miserably. The City- Bowl Mizers are a very poor man’s Strokes, whilst Prime Circle are a dire Nirvana/Pearl Jam wannabe- even to the extent of his pronunciation, dude you’re from Witbank, not fucking Seattle. The Parlotones are indeed very image conscious, but all their futile attempts at branding themselves come across highly insincere and contrived. If I have to see another picture with that fool Kahn performing his ‘trademark’ pose, (the V’d fingers across an eye) I’ll eat my head.

  24. 39 John Boyd
    May 18, 2010 at 11:29 am

    I cannot believe how badly this blog has affected me. It has actually made me feel sick. You either like something or dislike something, is there really a need to publicly and brutally attack people like this? It’s very sad.

    • May 18, 2010 at 2:51 pm

      I make no apologies for this site. I am a passionate person with strong opinions and if that makes me sad, then fine, I’m sad John. I’m the saddest fucker you’ll ever meet.

      But before you dispense your almighty judgement upon me, I’d encourage you to dig a little deeper John. Not everything is as it appears at face value and who knows, if you actually gave this site a chance, you might actually find that you like it 😉

      -ST

  25. September 1, 2010 at 12:17 am

    Only reading this now you were so on the money. It is all about integrity, now I don’t watch much TV or even own a working radio, but I can say that currently any tool who is taking the green dollar from OUTsurance is doing their own personal brand more harm than good(I’m talking to you Bryan and Pierre).

    Funny thing is I was a Parlotones fan. I saw them as potential worldbeaters, even got my signed copy of Episode A (their real first album, before RCR) somewhere at home. Sure it was radiopop, but they do write decent (formulated) songs. and what’s even worse is that they are really good dudes. So can you really blame them for plugging away at the industry for 5 years and getting a record out, touring the shit out of the country for four more before actually making any sort of money from it?

    Of course you can, because (you said it) they took it too far and endorsed their brand on anything they could find, no matter how stoooopid it made them look. Of course a whole bigger sh1tstorm brewed up eventually as they take it ‘in der auslug'(sic – sorry never seen subtitles in german porn) from their german label too.

    this is embarrassing

    they even have their own section on 2oceansvibe now
    http://www.2oceansvibe.com/category/the-parlotones/

    well done kahn and the boys, you became radio controlled robots much scarier than the ones you were singing about in the first place.

  26. 43 Adam
    October 21, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    ypu can make a living playing music in SA, but sadly only playing covers as a one man bandand that just that aint art!!!!

  27. 44 Cal
    December 24, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    I have close ties to the industry myself, and while a lot of what has been written here is the gospel truth – it is rare to be able to be able to pay your way in this coutry through making music alone, and your future will inevitably have an overseas outcome to it if you plan to make any real success – the one thing I am struggling to really understand is the loss of your musical integrity through corporate whoring (otherwise known as brand associations, corporate sponsorships, music sync licensing and brand diversity)?

    What The Parlotones have done with their marketing machinery is quite astounding. That they themselves have become over exposed it unquestionable, but it has allowed them to stand head and shoulders above the rest of the South African bands in the media, even those who have enjoyed much more commercial success like Seether, and those with more credible musical contributions (in their genres) like Goldfish and Prime Circle or even Civil Twilight, our often forgotten export. But given the lack of dedicated radio airtime to local bands, an absence of programming to include local music on TV most notably on the free to air channels, or to non-Afrikaans acts, the general lack of world class live venues that allow bands a real chance to demonstrate their wares, our local artists are forced to use these tactics to further their tiny marketing budgets. The only sad part is that the pie is not shared between all the talent in the country.

  28. August 19, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    So here’s a question to you – what have you done with your life other than complain about people who choose to be successful? Have you been to a show? Have you met them? Do you actually know anything about them than what your small mind allows you to perceive? Wake up – they’re touring the world, successfully. People look forward to seeing them. Who looks forward to seeing you?

    • August 19, 2011 at 7:33 pm

      First off, what kind of a name is “thegentlemanvatoWTF”? And who’s that in your profile picture? If it’s you, then I must please ask you to never hit this site ever again. Stick with Ben 10, it’s a lot safer. And if it isn’t you, I must please ask you to never hit this site ever again because why the hell have you made a young boy your avatar? Is that your son? (Please dear God say yes) Does he know you use his image to troll perfectly decent, well thought out posts with your sheep-like opinions?

      What have I done with my life? Well, for one I’ve written this post, which got you pissed off enough to waste however long it took you to write that comment (I’m guessing about 30 seconds judging by the thought you put into your reply. Although it is very well spelled and punctuated, so let’s say half an hour).

      For two, I’ve dedicated my life to the pursuit of musicians and performers who understand what the concept of ‘art’ is and live their lives in pursuit of that impossible ideal. I am drawn to material that challenges me, freaks me out, makes me feel euphoric, makes me feel miserable and has some degree of integrity to it. I’ve been to at least 4 Parlotones shows and yeah, they know how to get a crowd jumping, but so does Nickleback, so does 30 Seconds To Mars and so does Daughtry, that doesn’t make their music any less crap.

      And the way Parlotones have whored themselves off to whoever pays the best, whether it be KFC or Gigabyte notebooks is just plain sad. And what about the song they wrote for the German soccer team during the Soccer World Cup last year? What the hell was that?! A move like that tells me they’re in it for the money, hands down and I’m sorry, but that’s very fucking sad if you ask me. I’d rather be a nobody that no one looks forward to seeing than the Parlodrones, what a joke!

      I’ve long ago accepted the fact that my taste is not everyone’s taste, but there are a blessed few that share my opinions however unpopular they might be and that’s why I started this site, to attract and interact with those people.

      You clearly aren’t one of those people, so if you don’t mind, please go troll elsewhere.

      -ST

  29. 47 Brenton
    January 4, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Hi there I’m a friend with Kahn Morbee, I growed up with Kahn and his grandmother he stayd with her I visit sometimes til today. the practice everyday afterschool sometimes four ours, six ours he began playing guitar when he was 17Years old and he met Paul Hodgson lead guitarist and his brother Glen Hodgson bass and kahn Vocals, rythm guitar nad much later Neil Pauw drums self learned welldone Neil!!! And they signed an Internastional contract in 2006 and now it’s 2012 they toured evrywhere in the world I know it’s more than 10 lovely CD’s they recorded!! I Just whnt to let you gays know they worked fuckin hard and hours and days and years and they sing better than you gays can fight… Good luck with your thing, (stuped site)

    Hope You enjoy your wonderful life!!!!!!!!

  30. 48 Jack
    January 6, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Good points in there.

    Personally I think the Parlotones have added a different sound to the SA music scene, which IMO is a good thing. I remember back in 2006 I was reading the music section in my local area paper (I used to go watch small upcoming bands) and was shocked to see one there where the influences listed were Radiohead, Travis and Coldplay. British influences. I honestly couldn’t believe it. I pretty much grew up with British music influences, whereas virtually the whole of (white) SA, bar afrikaners, is extremely american influenced when it comes to music. Even as an example, all those bands you mention above are very american influenced. I listened to bands my friends had never even heard of because SA was just so US/metal/grunge dominated, and while I liked grunge and rock a lot as well, my preference was more British, But British stuff never appealed to the vast majority, So it was refreshing to see a local band with a style influenced more by Britain than the US, because I can assure you back then at least it was a rare thing. Anyway I went down with some friends to see them, and I thought they were brilliant. Almost the whole crowd was left disappointed and left and went to the bar and they played to a fairly empty stage that night! It just never clicked for south africans back then, for whatever reason. Fast forward to 2007 and much more people were listening to them, by 2008 even more.They gradually won the people over. Now they’re even bigger! I think that’s a good thing, the SA music scene has come a long way in the last few years in terms of the variety on offer (Die Antwoord etc, unique approaches).

    It’s obvious that individually as musicians they are weak (in terms of instrument skills alone, particularly the bassist), but they make it work. Ringo Starr was a rubbish drummer but it worked for the Beatles. I think The Parlotones have a good balance in what they produce, if though it’s sometimes very cheesy. That “Come Back As Heroes” song is an absolute tragedy, really dire stuff, but hey. IMO The frontman carries this band big time, he’s a talented lead.

    I agree that they may have become extremely commercial but hey, many bands have sold out to money in the past. But imo, it’s good to see a local band coming from a different approach to the rest of SA bands.

  31. 49 art
    June 18, 2012 at 12:46 am

    It’s 2 years since you wrote this – everyone said I was crazy when I SAID it at the time – but thanks for confirming it. Personally, I say fuck’em. To those who love eating KFC I say good luck to you, and happy heart attack. To those of you who buy their CD’s well, I hope you one day discover real music and can quietly get rid of your parlahones CD without anyone noticing.

  32. 50 annoyed
    August 8, 2012 at 10:24 am

    I find that your blog is quite the read!! I’m not the biggest fan of the parlotones as compared to some people I’ve come across, bt I feel the parlotones deserve to be praised. Their music is well-known and deserves to be. Fans include children,middle-aged and the elderly. Have u ever been to their concert? Well, before u cn speak abt their music, GO TO ONE!! They dnt sound cheap, and they sound js as good as the studio version. They are energetic and pull in the crowd. The parlotones will always be south africa’s best. People who dnt like the parlotones, shud avoid the topic. When u start bitching about someone elses success it looks like you’re a tad bit jealous. So hands off! And be proud that they are bringing money into ths country! GEEZ

  33. 51 Paul Cockerill
    October 3, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    I’m flabergasted by the vitriol against The Parlotones written here. I first heard of them last year and love their music. You accuse them of selling out, but this is how they choose to promote themselves to gain an ever wider audience. To become a success in the music industry requires years of hard work. And work hard they do with tours in Europe and the US to great acclaim. Jealously doesn’t become you Beelzebub!


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