We tried a couple of times, definitely more than once, to get the picture right, but it wasn’t easy. Above the surface you just point the camera at where experience has taught you your faces should be and hit the shutter button and that usually does the trick.
Underneath the surface, everything is different. You’re doing a whole bunch of things at the same time, holding your breath, trying to swim down, trying to keep your face next to hers, trying to smile, trying not to make too many bubbles.
Underneath the surface, the sound is different, your heart beats harder in your ears. You look at her, the way her hair floats like an angel’s hair, and her arms and legs move slow, graceful as a mermaid.
Underneath the surface everything is somehow better, but you can’t stay here brother. A few seconds, maybe a minute or two, that’s all you got. Any longer and you’ll stay here, underneath the surface and the world will never know the secrets you hold in your ghostly heart.
I’ve loved every second of this weekend, God knows.
Friday we had our off site day, which was pretty cool. We got the lowdown on the company, important for the noobs, but to be honest I’d heard at least 80% of it before.
The skies opened in the afternoon, menacing and black, and it poured down for a bit. Poonay gave me a lift back home as J-Rab had the car. I asked J-Rab to get us some stuff for the office party that was happening later, then kicked back, did some reading and had a snooze.
The office party was incredibly SICK. We went to Rodizios, this restaurant in the Leaping Frog centre in Fourways. The theme was Rio Carnival – J-Rab went with feathers in her hair and sparkly sticker-things in flower patterns on her face. She looked hot.
We both wore these plastic wreaths of flowers for necklaces and I went with a mask on that looked a bit like a headdress with big feathers coming off the top.
Definitely gay, but it suited the theme and I wasn’t banking on wearing it for long, just when we arrived and for a few pics afterwards.
I had this feeling the minute after I woke up from my nap like electricity was pumping through my body and I swear I couldn’t sit, stand or even fucking lie still.
I get this way sometimes where I bounce off the walls like loose shrapnel, I can’t control myself AT ALL, it’s like I’ve tapped into this stream of energy that is boundless and it’s just pouring into me, like water from a ruptured dam wall.
It’s also infectious as hell. I’m like a catalyst in a chemical reaction and if I’m around the right people, it starts setting them off one by one.
Back in varsity we called it the ‘infectious craziness’. Once it infected one of us, the others would all succumb sooner or later.
It’s the most fucking awesome feeling in the whole world. You are literally unstoppable, full of mischief and ready to party until you self combust in a blazing ball of fire on the dancefloor.
I drank. I encouraged other to drink too. I jiggled uncontrollably in my seat, I boogied on down, I ate as much food as I could handle, and then I drank some more.
After we’d all eaten dinner, they started calling all the people who’s birthdays it was on stage as well as the big tables that were there for year end functions.
Our table got called and I shot onto stage so fast I nearly knocked my chair over backwards.
I was ready for anything. Fuck, release the lions, the mood I was in, I would have wrestled those fuckers to the ground and torn their throats out with my teeth.
Turns out they’d called us all up there for a dancing competition. Game on. I immediately started hopping up and down like a boxer loosening up for a fight, throwing a few punches, twisting left and right, stretching my neck muscles.
The music started and I sauntered into the middle of the stage and started whipping out the most porno dance moves I could muster, but just as I was getting into it, they stopped the music, said something about the judges having a hard time choosing a winner and that we were going to go another round.
Fuck that shit. I was killing those other fuckers! Hardly anyone was even moving away from the back and side walls of the stage into the middle to dance, never mind actually putting some effort into it.
I made up my mind then and there to fuck that puppy to hell and back.
The music started up again and I launched into this weird jumping-up-and-down-whilst-pumping-my-fists-in-the-air move as I made my way into centre stage. Then once there I kinda flailed around a bit before my mind locked onto the dance move to destroy all dance moves.
The Saturday Night Fever Disco Finger Pointing Dance Move. I ripped into that move for all it was worth, throwing my hip out like I was trying to dislocate it while pointing diagonally up and the ceiling, my opposite hand firmly on my hip.
Three people’s heads exploded the second I whipped that one out and five women watching instantly became pregnant. All I heard was my name being chanted somewhere at the far end of the room. A woman threw her panties on stage.
I had nailed it. The judges stood on no ceremony and handed me the bottle of champagne for first prize without even mentioning any of the other so-called ‘dancers’ on stage.
If there’s one thing about me you’ll learn in time, it’s that I love winning. I’m not a second-place kinda dude, it’s first place or nothing. The other thing is I’m not a graceful winner or a graceful loser. If I win I’ll dance around and shove it in your face, if I lose, I’ll bitch and moan, tell you you were lucky that time and yeah, you might have won, but you’re still ugly.
And so, it was no surprise to the people who knew me that the second they handed the champers over to me, I thrust it high in the air and taunted everyone on stage with it before popping it back at the table and taking a long swig straight from the neck.
Next day, J-Rab and I got up when the light was still white and new and went for a swim.
I told her about this bit I’d read in the book I’m reading right now ‘Stealing Fire From The Gods’, which is about becoming an excellent writer and understanding both the intricacies of story and human nature.
It has this really cool passage about Back to the Future, where it says that there’s no telling what effect one small act of courage can have on your life.
The example the author uses is how Michael J Foxes dad stands up to the school bully at the end of the movie and wins the affection of his future wife. This one small act has huge repercussions for Michael J Foxes dad and when ol’ Michael J goes back to the future, he finds his mom and dad are way better off than they were before.
The author goes on to say that for this reason, all of our actions should be governed by courage because there’s no telling how they could positively influence the future course of our lives.
And so from now on, I’m gonna consciously try and do something courageous every day, even if it’s something small, and I think you must do the same.
J-Rab and I spent about an hour yesterday just floating around on a lilo we found by the pool.
It was a huge lilo, I lay on my stomach and she lay on top of me and we just floated and laughed and enjoyed the sun and the cool water. We’d float to the edge and I’d push off as hard as I could with my hands or feet and we’d sail across the surface of the water, carefree in every way.
We’re passionately in love, J-Rab and I, and when we’re together and laughing and holding each other close I know what we have is the real deal. It’s love, it’s the cold and it’s the broken hallelujah that a lot of people can’t actually handle.
But J-Rab is different from other shallow and callous girls I’ve known in my life. She has the capacity to love me and understand me and is happy to let me be exactly who I am, a complete maniac, and she loves me for that.
Saturday’s sun set slowly and we went out for Sushi and rented How to lose Friends and Alienate People, a movie with Simon Pegg, Jeff Bridges and Megan Fox that is really rubbish.
I always feel cheated hiring DVDs, I mean, they’re never worth the 30 bucks we pay to rent them. I’m a pirate, I know it’s wrong, but movies are just so much more enjoyable when you don’t have to pay a cent to watch them.
Roll on Sunday and J-Rab and I are on a mission for mini doughnuts. They are both delicious and totally worth the 15 minute drive to the Rosebank Rooftop Market to get them.
Back at home, we made hay while the sun shone and it was good. I asked J-Rab what I could write about our sex life and she got all shy and said all I was allowed to say is that as a man, it’s important to date a woman with a sex drive that is equal to, or higher than yours or the relationship is destined to fail.
Sex should only be 10% of the relationship, but it’s the first 10%, always. The day that changes is the day the relationship starts getting old.
For some people this can happen 3 months into a relationship, for some it’s 3 years and for a lucky few, it’s 30 or even more.
I’m holding out for option three, I’m a firm believer of having your cake and eating it.
This is it, this is your life. Never settle for second best, you’re better than that. You’re incredible and unique, the world will try and fuck with that and put you down, but pay them no attention, they only want to see you fail to make themselves feel better about their shitty lives.
Never sink to that level. Rise above that. Have the courage flight requires and head straight for the sun and as you gain speed and flames start licking off your body, you’ll feel more alive than you’ve ever felt and you’ll leave a streak across the sky that countless generations will look upon in wonder.
So shine on you crazy diamond.