Archive for November 1st, 2009


The aftermath of Halloween

I found my brains on the kitchen counter, just lying there, floppy and red with chunky, congealed blood.

My ribs were lying on the bathroom floor, and there were specs of blood all around the basin – the soap was a pinkish colour.

The rest of the flat wasn’t much better. We fed like animals last night, and the evidence of it was everywhere; spaghetti bolognaise lying limp in a bowl like a mess of tiny entrails, a baking dish half an inch full of greasy marinade with a few leftover cubes of chicken wrapped in bacon, each one only marginally bigger than I would guess an eyeball is.

The part of your eye you can see? That’s only one third of your entire eye. People think eyeballs in horror movies are too big, but they’re actually just the right size. The make up guys know their stuff, and so did the student make-up artist who turned me into a zombie yesterday evening.

By the time she was done, I looked awesome. She exposed my brains for a start, then she tore a long gash down my throat, then she made an entry wound so it looked like my brains were shot out, then she tore a lot of flesh off the left side of my torso, it bled like a sunuva bitch and you could see my ribs, and lastly, she shot me three times in the abdomen.

She made my skin pale and lifeless and made purple shadows under my eyes. She did J-Rab up to look like Tinkerbell with long eyelashes and green eyeshadow and awesome lips. We headed for Irishes house party and basically arrived looking like this:



We met some awesome people, hardly any of whom I remember, there was Medusa-lady and Dr Chad!



And The Joker and… um, Chad again.



There were other people too! But I didn’t like being in pictures with them…



Peggles made a guest appearance as Satan Himself!



It was a fucking killer party, people put a shitload of effort into their costumes  and Irish and his digsmates made the house up to look really amazing, although at first I couldn’t really see shit.

I learned an important lesson at the party, if you’ve got cosmetic lenses in your eyes and you’re in low lighting, you can’t see a goddamned thing. Has something to do with your pupils dilating in low light and the hole in the lenses not being able to expand at the same time.

End result is you really have to strain to see anything clearly, which I wasn’t interested in doing at all, so for the first 20 mins of the party I walked around in a dark, blurry world filled with witches and sexy police officers and she-devils and school girls.

Thing about the school girls is they actually were school girls, a fact that didn’t impress a single other girl there. Haha, girls are funny.

I eventually took the right lens out so I could at least see some stuff and found the party to be a lot less intimidating after that. Not being able to see things properly is like watching a 3D movie without the glasses, you still get the gist of what’s going on, but you know you’re missing the full effect.

Jenni-fuh was dressed as Poison Ivy and looked pretty damn amazing, but Satan stabbed her by the pool.



Right at the end of the night, in an alcohol-fuelled moment, I took out my remaining contact lens and thrust it with gusto into her eyeball.

I have no idea how I actually got the thing in, but I did and it looked awesome. This is the last pic we took.



Peggles must have taken about 250 pics with J-Rab’s camera, 80% of which are crap and completely random, but 20% of which are really, really good like this one of my head:



And this one of all three of us:



Another thing that was fucking funny was Peggles kept sneaking up behind J-Rab and tying helium balloons to her fairy wings. By the end of the evening she had about 5 tied on there, which floated like guardian angels over her wherever she walked (see above… and below).

She got scared she would fly away there were so many. I said not to fly away without me. She said she would never fly away without me. She hugged me, but came away with spots of blood all over the front of her Tinkerbell dress.

The zombie and the fairy princess, the coolest couple you ever saw.



Irish says they’ll throw another big party there in about a month’s time and I reckon we’ll all definitely go. He’s badass, look at him in this picture and you’ll see it instantly.



You gotta get out there and meet new people or you find yourself in the same trap millions of other people get into where they hit their mid thirties and only hang out with a group of about five friends or less.

Funniest thing was J-rab felt really bad at the end of the night, and we couldn’t figure out why. Then we found this picture of us eating a Random Chicken Burger Jenni-fuh stole out the fridge and all became clear.


And with that, I’m going to leave you to play Machinarium, an awesome game I bought – try it out here, it’s old-school point and click kind of stuff, but really pretty graphics and good humour, so play it! Play it now!


A Word From The Kind Folks At Nokia

November 2009