Posts Tagged ‘puppies

18
May
11

VOTE ZOLTRON!

Democracy is important, which is why today you should vote Zoltron.

Zoltron is not just any interplanetary conqueror / destroyer, Zoltron is also a kind and sensitive slavemaster who, as you can see in the picture below, happens to love nature and even has a plant that is his friend.

A vote for Zoltron is a vote for happiness, which is why his campaign slogan is “Think of the puppies”.

With Zoltron as your undisputed Lord and Master, you’ll never have to worry about getting a job because everyone will automatically be employed for Zoltron. You’ll also never have to feel self-conscious about how much you earn because everyone will earn the same amount!*

So c’mon. Be a pal and vote Zoltron. You know it’s right, I know it’s right and Zoltron, well, there is no right and wrong for Zoltron, just his undisputed rule or a slow and torturous death.

Have you thought of the puppies?

Vote Zoltron today!

 

 

-ST

*Nothing

26
Jan
11

New Categories!

Stop the press everyone. I’ve added new categories to the site.

 

 

Scroll down a little and cast a wary glance over to the right and you’ll see some intriguing shit indeed.

“Being Slick”? “Killer Posts”? “Tiger Guides”? “Satire, Irony And Vitriol”? “Events”? What the hell does it all mean?!

Stay calm. I don’t want you running off in a flat panic to go read some other douchebag site out there because your Tiger pal’s shaking things up a little. Here, hold my hand. It’s not what you think, let me explain.

“Being Slick” is a collection of random moments and memories from my life. I made this category because I like talking about myself.

“Killer Posts” are all my favourite pieces of writing I’ve banged out so far. Some of them got a buttload of hits like the one about kakking gym or some such nonsense.

“Tiger Guides” are the pieces where I give step by step advice on how to do stuff like raising baby humans and dealing with dick cupcakes. I made this category because I like telling people what to do.

“Satire, Irony And Vitriol” is where I go to vent. People love this shit because there’s no better way to unite people over the interwebs than to stage a public lynching. Fact.

 

 

“Events” is a tricky one. I could try to explain it to you, but seriously, it’s better if you experience this one yourselves.

I’ve only gone through about two thirds of the content on the site so far though, I’ve still got another 100 odd posts to sort through and recategorise so if you hit some of those categories RIGHT NOW you’ll dig up some way old stuffs from before you even knew this site existed.

I figured with Klapping Gym appearing in FHM it was high time I made the content on here more accessible. I was sitting with 218 posts in the “uncategorised” category, that’s a lot of rambling nonsense that I could be exposing random visitors to much like a homeless person in a trench coat flashing his junk at people in the street (and their children).

Good times I tell ya. Good times Winking smile

-ST

18
Oct
10

Goodbye Rocko

I knew it was going to be rough for J-Rab when she eventually had to say goodbye to Rocko, our favourite of the fourteen Anatolian Sheepdog puppies we’ve been raising, so it was no surprise to me when she called in tears to say he was gone.

But what killed me was how fucking unhelpful the Express Air staff were. They left J-Rab completely by herself to pack the four puppies who were too little to be proper sheepdogs into these tiny crates so they could be flown up to Joburg.

The crates were full of shit-covered old newspaper and were so small the puppies couldn’t turn around in them, so naturally J-Rab lost it completely, tore all the newspaper out the crates and used the puppy blankets she’d brought with to line them instead.

And all the while the puppies didn’t make a peep and let her put all four of them inside their crates without making a sound because they’ve learnt to trust her and they know she’d never hurt them.

But when she had to shut the crates and lock them, one by one the puppies started crying and there was nothing she could do, nothing at all except walk away and probably never see them again for as long as they live.

Fuck, I felt all choked up when she told me the story and I wasn’t the one who watched every one of them be born and who fed them from when they were little furry worms right up until today, when J-Rab kissed them goodbye for the last time.

Life is just plain fucked up sometimes. On Wednesday the rest of the puppies go and I guess life just goes back to normal, like none of it ever happened.

I’ll miss Rocko though, he was an amazing dog. I just hope he gets a good, loving home and people who’ll look after him and treat him right.

Good luck to ya Rocko little buddy, grow up big and strong and brave. Life ain’t gonna be the same without you, but for as long as this junkyard site stands we’ll remember you and probably even if it doesn’t.

 

 

Your dad.

-ST

07
Oct
10

A Text-Book “Red October” Post – WITH PUPPIES!

On the internet, repetition is king. Don’t think just because you’re a sometimes-funny fucker who got through to the finals of the SA Blog Awards and then dropped trou and showed everyone his Tiger Scants that people actually read your shit.

So to reiterate – last year, when I first started this fucking junkyard site, I posted everyday for the month of October and turned every day on the calendar you see on your right (scroll down a little… theeeeeerrreeee you go) red with posts.

This year I’m trying to do the same, but as I stated in the post I put up on the 1st, that means that some posts will be kak.

This post is kak. Make no mistake. I’m about to go taste some fine whisky at 15 On Orange so I know for a fact that I won’t be posting later tonight.

So, as a peace offering, here are cute pictures of the puppies we are currently raising. Keep a special eye out for Rocko, the fucking raddest little guy the world has ever known.

Also, send this around to all your friends, especially the girl ones, as proof that as long as you have cute animals (or porn) on your site, nobody gives a rat’s ass about what you write.

Lemon curry.

 

 

 

Ok, now I’m going to have to issue a disclaimer. What you are about to see is Rocko. He’s the coolest fucking dog ON THIS PLANET, so just take a few moments to accept that fact and prepare yourself for what you’re about to see or your head might explode with awesome.

 

 

And that. Is that.

Until tomorrow.

-ST

26
Aug
10

In The Interest Of Boosting Site Views, I present to You: More Puppies

You want internet fame and fortune there are basically only three ways to go about it.

1. Porn
2. YouTube videos of people hurting themselves in hilarious ways
3. Babies

It’s a sad fact, but no matter how many great, funny and insightful posts I write about meaningful shit, I’ll still get 3 times as many hits by simply posting a picture of a hot girl with great breasts.

Such is life my friends. Such is life.

So with no further ado, here are pics of my favourite of the 14 puppies we’re looking after. This special little guy is the runt of the litter and I know it was fucking retarded of me to do it because we can’t keep him, but I went ahead and named him.

Ladies and gentlemen. Meet Rocko.

 

 

 

 

And just like that – KAPOW! Site views hit 1k.

My work here is done.

-ST

20
Aug
10

Friday puppies!

One of these radass little guys is gonna be my dog. J-Rab says we can’t keep one, but LOOK AT THE PUPPIES! JUST LOOK AT THEM!

 

 

 

Have a killer weekend guys :)

-ST

18
Aug
10

There should be puppies here

The cutest little fuckers you’ve ever seen! Three day old happy, fat little puppies squeaking away in a puppy pile of no less than FOURTEEN pups.

There should be puppies here to brighten up your day and remind you that the world can be a pretty rad place from time to time, but like a total douche, I left my cell phone with all the pics on it sitting on the toilet.

How fucking random is that?! Why did I even put it there in the first place? Eeeeeeeedeeeeeeoooooottttttt.

To make up for the lack of puppies, here’s a kitten wearing a frog bonnet:

 

 

Um, yeah. That’s all I got today guys. But exciting news is that later today I’ve been invited to a press function to watch the guys from overseas demo the Nokia N8.

There better be a giant buffet there. That’s all I’m saying. Giant buffet and the phone gets a glowing review.

All together now.

Giant buffet.

-ST




A Word From The Kind Folks At Nokia

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