Fuck I’m amazing!
Um. That is all.
Fuck I’m amazing!
Um. That is all.
Just when you think shit can’t possibly get any better right here on Them’s Fightin’ Words, the Tiger whips out yet another FLIPPIN’ INTENSE episode of The Tiger Life!
This one breaks all previous records for “number of ridiculously famous people interviewed” and has vox pops from the likes of Khaya Ntini (SUCH a legend), Sias from 5FM, Davie Jacobs and Roxy Louw.
Yep, comin’ up in the world, can’t trust NOBODY, gotta look over my shoulder CONSTANTLY.
Enjoy this week’s episode, I hope it blows your mind and don’t worry about the lack of content the site has been experiencing over the past week, more good shit’s in the pipeline! (Wow. Worst. Sentence. Ever.)
This one’s taken me ages to finally get around to editing, but it’s finally done and I think it’s pretty badass.
In this week’s episode I attended a Heavy Chef session where Seth Rotheram and Rich Mulholland spoke on the topic “Is Blogging Dead?”
I would have loved to include all the stuff Rich said as well, his talk had everyone in stitches, but sadly I’m trying to keep these clips to 5 mins a pop so I had to be pretty brutal in the edit.
Anyway, enough jabbering, enjoy
Possibly one of my biggest regrets about my life as it is right now is that I don’t read.
It’s fucking tragic when I think about how back at varsity when I was reading English Honours I was motoring through about a book a week, some of the best literature ever written, and now I read about a book a year.
And it shows too. I used to be all clever and stuff and could write good, but now all I can do is shoot a buncha shit on my cell phone and work computers to make dorky internet videos and stuff.
Anyway, I digest.
For my birthday, J-Rab got me “Scar Tissue”, Anthony Kiedis’ autobiography and I’ve eaten that book alive, devouring entire chapters whole as the words rushed into my mind to fill the empty space that literature used to occupy.
It also helps that it’s a pretty amazing account of the life of one of the world’s craziest motherfuckers still alive.
I mean we’re talking about a guy who lost his virginity to his dad’s 18 year-old girlfriend when he was 11. And what’s even crazier is that not only did his dad know about it, but he brokered the deal after Kiedis asked him to!
It’s a wild read, but while I’ve loved every page of that book, it’s also made me think long and hard about my own life and how tame and boring it is in comparison.
The funny thing about life is that all those naughty kids back in school that everyone thought would amount to nothing seem to come out of the system with an edge that ends up getting them really far in life.
I think it’s because they get used to being confronted and put on the spot and being the centre of attention and those experiences actually equip them really well later on in life.
The people that break all the rules are the ones who end up making them one day.
If only I’d known that back when I was a kid maybe I wouldn’t have wasted my childhood and a good portion of my adult life so far colouring in the lines instead of drawing my own.
Sundays here are a mixed blessing. On one hand it’s quiet I got time to create content, which is a good thing, but what invariably ends up happening is I get lost in the solitude of this place and instead of using the time I got effectively, I procrastinate, think too much about my life and where it’s not going and slide into a funk.
The MAEN missioned out here today, found the place the first time (an impressive feat considering my address is “The R44”) and broke the monotony of yet another Sunday where I could feel myself sliding again.
It’s an exciting time in The MAEN’s life, shit is coming together for him like I always knew it would. He’s an unstoppable force, he’s got enough life in him for three men at least and he’s totally fearless in every conceivable way.
I drank some whiskey and listened to his crazy ramblings and plans for the future. We stood on my balcony and looked out over the empty space around us and unlike almost everyone else who visits this place, he said how it was nice and all, but he could see how after living here for awhile, I person could lose their fucking mind.
We shot the breeze for an hour or two and after he left, I felt better. Like at least one of us is getting his shit together, kicking some ass out there and living the dream.
I spent the entire day editing the next episode of The Tiger Life and I’m happy how it turned out because truth be told, I get more of a kick out of shooting and editing those stupid clips than I do slaving away at the grindstone.
Ain’t that wonder?
Next Tiger Life goes up on Tuesday. Hope you like it
Saturday saved us,
First time in awhile
Showed us something
Made us smile.
People on the streets are dying. Mothers. Killing their children. Children. Murdering on another on the steps of churches. Human / elephant pornography. Justin Bieber.
The world has indeed fallen apart, the very fabric of society has come undone and no. It’s not because of wide-spread government corruption. It’s not because of poor school systems or the mass media rotting the minds of our youth.
It’s because everyone’s emails that they’ve been sending in the thousands to email@example.com have gone unanswered for far too long.
So long in fact that people have clean forgotten that this amazing service to mankind even exists anymore and for that all I can say is I fucked up guys. And I’m sorry.
But starting today, I want you all to know that Tell The Tiger is back up and running so please, please, don’t suffer in silence. Send all your embarrassing secrets and sexual failings in life to your buddy ol’ pal SlickTiger and I’ll sort that shit out.
I’ll help you. Because making people’s lives better is what Tigers do best. And mauling. Making people’s live better and / or mauling their faces off.
So here is this week’s lucky recipient of my Tiger love and wisdom.
Let the healing begin.
Nice To Meet You,
My name is Miss Monica guei, As I whisper my prayer tonight and went into search for a nice friend and I came across your contact,at(prashish.wordpress.com) My mind and my heart told me to contact you for friendship, A friend who truly understand his or her friend and share their feelings together. please kindly accept my request, I believe that distance or age can never be a barrier but let’s love connect us because love is a bridge that connected far distance to be close to each other, I will send my pictures to you immediately i receive your reply at my email address
yours In Love,
Huh. Not really the kind of Tell The Tiger mail I’m used to, but yeah. We can work with this…
First off Miss Monica, let me just say that judging from your email you clearly have a number of severe mental issues that I think you need to sort out as soon as possible or you’ll probably end up married to an alcoholic douchebag who abuses you physically and emotionally because, well, you are retarded.
Where did you get my email address from? What the fuck is prashish.wordpress.com? And what kind of surname is ‘guei’? What were your forefathers thinking?! Let’s line up every vowel in the alphabet and turn it into a surname?
Also, what in God’s name did the English language ever do to you to make you want to butcher the living shit out of it so badly? “Went into search”? “A friend who truly understand his or her friend”? “Let’s love connect us because love is a bridge that connected far distance to be close to each other”? What the fuck does that even mean?!
I’m not sure you understand the dynamics of Tell The Tiger at all, but it’s very simple – you write in with an embarrassing problem under a cleverly thought out pseudonym and I give you the worst possible advice on how to conquer said problem so that me and my internet buddies can have a good laugh at your expense and high-five each other later in the bar because your life is shittier than ours.
Come back when you have something juicy to share, like how your boyfriend thinks it would be fun to try anal fisting but you’re not keen on wearing a butt-plug for the rest of your life or how you’re in love with your step sister or how you fantasise about lathering your entire body in marmalade and having a threesome with a priest and the TV repair guy.
And with those wise words, I leave you in the capable hands of my panel of expert Tell The Tigerers. That is, if they still even exist…
If you read this blog regularly (seek help) you might have stumbled on the post I wrote awhile back about how living in the shit shack J-Rab and I have ended up in is driving us completely nuts.
Well, a big part of that were the owls. Right outside our wooden shed were a pair of Spotted Eagle Owls that would hoot, loud as fuck, all through the night until J-Rab and I were driven totally shit-your-pants mad.
Eventually we resorted to standing on our balcony at 2 in the morning and trying to pelt the fuckers with onions because that’s all we could find to throw.
Good thing we don’t have neighbours because trust me, if they had to see me at 2 in the morning, carrying on like an asylum escapee on our balcony, firing onions into the darkness whilst screaming, “FUCK YOU OWL!” they’d definitely call the police.
Anyway, turns out the little bastards were hooting incessantly because they had babies.
Imagine my excitement. MORE fucking owls.
Here’s a pic I snapped of momma owl with baby owl standing in front of her, staring at me with this arrogant “that’s right, I’ma keep you up ALL NIGHT, BITCH!” look on his face.
In my mind I quietly reached for a 9ml under my seat, took aim and laughed maniacally as both owls exploded in a cloud of brown / black feathers.
And I used to be such a nice guy.
After Kings Of Leon released Only By The Night the die-hards who’d been following them since their Youth And Young Manhood days became instantly polarised, some saying they had finally sold out and some saying Only By The Night was their greatest album to date.
Either way you looked at it, it was going to be a tough album to follow and while their latest offering Come Around Sundown does pack a lot of great material, if Only By The Night is the only Kings album you know, the new album will probably fall short of your expectations.
From there I go on to extoll the virtues of this album and write a review that will blow your fucking mind.
Or listen to the opening track “The End” below and see if you dig it:
It’s a known fact that parking in larney shopping centres, whether they are in Joburg or Cape Town, is ridiculously expensive.
I’ve been fleeced for as much as R10 for parking for 5 minutes which may not sound like a lot, but when you spend as much time in shopping centres as I do, that can add up to as much as R10 a month!
In my recent trip to Joburg I was forced to pay a visit to the Nashua Mobile in Sandton city to get an upgrade on my 3G card and on arriving was SHOCKED and DISMAYED to find that parking in said shopping centre seems to have undergone the same hyper-inflation that Germany suffered post World War I where a basketful of money would buy you two Chappies.
Unbelievable! Not only is the parking ridiculously priced, but it would appear that the MINIMUM amount of time people are allowed to shop for is 12 HOURS!
And the maximum is 45?!
Who the fuck in their right mind would shop for 45 hours?! Sure, I understand that we are a consumer society and all, but 45 hours of shopping is taking things a little too far if you ask me.
And what’s the deal with the R1 111 amount and the R2 345 amount? Do you get to choose? Who is his right goddamn mind is going to pay R1 234 MORE than they have to for parking?
The world has indeed lost it’s fucking mind.
So just be warned guys, if you shop at Sandton City they will TRAP you for 12 hours and make you pay anywhere between R1 111 and R2 345 for parking.