Hahaha! I just read the fucking weirdest comment I think’s ever been posted on this site. Christ, I love the internet.
I found this one pending approval on my “About” page. I trashed the comment, but copy / pasted the text and decided to give it a post of its very own.
This one works on a couple of different levels but at face value, what we have here are some intensely passionate bubblegum Steri supporters enlisting the help of the Tiger.
Sit down for this one ok? I don’t want you surfing the internet standing up while you read this.
Are ya ready kids?
You may have heard of the Steri Flavour war that is breaking out right here in the beloved mother city. Cape Town Girl has been inundated with requests to ambassador for unofficial flavour fan clubs; we’re HUGE fans of Bubblegum and are looking for a blogger who is the epitome of what we’re all about.
Beware that Tashtober and Movember are upon us and that REAL South African boytjies, are out there cultivating some of the most hairy lip slugs ever witnesses by mankind, some so manly that would leave MacGyver feeling hopelessly inadequate. There is something magnificent about Bubblegum Steri Stumpie in the manner that it leaves a luminescent blue stain on your tongue. If you’ve been blessed with the god given talent to nurture a prodigious set of handlebars, taking a swig of the Blue Milk Magic will leave you with a mystical blue shaded tash.
You’re probably sitting down, wondering “why the fuck should I endorse some unofficial fan club for some arbitrary Steri Stumpie flavour in a war that will probably never reach my doorstep?” We can say only this, bubblegum is an underdog, we believe that we should be measured, not by the size of 12x5cm plastic container, but rather by the power of its contents to leave a sticky residue on your fur loaded upper lip. Bertrand Russell, a famous war dude, once said, “War does not determine who is right – only who is left”. Given the obvious stickiness of Bubblegum flavoured milk you will realise that long after the flavour of last nights shwarma feast has faded, the scent of a loving long street lady has paled after a morning shower, the blue stain will remain, unfaltering, everlasting reminder of your loyalty to the greatest flavoured milk to walk this crazy-ass planet of ours.
The unofficial official bubblegum steri stumpie fan club are massive fans of SlickTiger and love spending their free time reading his ludicrous blog posts, the madder the better. Will you join us in a crusade to get people to Save the Flavour with Bubblegum Steri Stumpie?
Hugs and Kisses
The Bubblegum Flavour Savers
A wise old man once said to me, there are two reasons why anyone does anything in this life.
The good reason.
And the real reason.
The good reason always comes first, it’s the worm on the hook, coated in a thick, slimey sheen of gooey, ego-massaging goodness. Nomnomnom…
Then comes the real reason, hard and barbed. In this case I happen to know the real reason why The Bubblegum Flavour Savers are contacting me and it’s pretty innocuous all in all, so fuck it.
If it’s help you want, it’s help you got. You guys want a platform that speaks to some crazy basterds, you got one.
There’s just one small catch…
I’m gonna need your souls. Just sign a piece of paper that says “I [insert full name that appears on birth certificate] hereby give my soul to SlickTiger for ever and ever. Amen. [Signature must follow]”.
I don’t think it’s much to ask for really. Paper and ink boys, that’s all it is. Hand over 1 x soul for each of the founding members of The Bubblegum Flavour Savers and let’s get you charnas (in)famous!
Bada bing, bada bang!