23
Apr
10

Tell The Tiger (Episode 4)

This week’s Tell The Tiger marks a whole new era in this little project of mine because, I’m proud to say, after receiving a whole slew of emails from guys, I FINALLY received one from the fairer sex!

Fuck! It was awesome, I nearly fell off my goddamn chair. It’s like when the girl from next door somehow figures out the secret codeword to get into the boy’s tree house where she then proceeds to skin you and your mates for all your pocket money in exchange for up a peak up her skirt.

What?! Like you wouldn’t have. To this day, Minnie Mouse never looked so goddamn adorable…

 

 

Where was I… oh ya, a GIRL wrote in this week and so I’d like us all to give her a warm, Tell The Tiger therapy group welcome.

Coffee’s free, but I see someone ate all the doughnuts. Nice guys. Very classy.

Right, so let’s get to it. Here’s what she sent:

Hi Slick,

I’m worried my boyfriend of nine months is cheating on me. We live together and I intercepted a message on his phone last week that said, ‘I want you so badly right now’ that came from a number I didn’t recognise. He didn’t seem bothered by it at all, and said it was just a completely random sms that went to the wrong number, but he’s been acting wierd lately and doesn’t have the appetite for sex that he used to. The thought of him with someone else makes me sick, but the thought of losing him is worse.

I read all his cell phone messages last week, but didn’t find any others from that number, he walked in before I could read his sent items though. He says he’s stressed from work and the long hours and that’s why he doesn’t want sex and that things will go back to normal once he’s done with the big project he’s working on.

Am I overreacting? I want to trust him, but that sms really freaked me out.

Confused !

Ok, Confused (I’m just gonna call you ‘Conny’ if that’s ok?).

Conny. To be quite frank with you, my tigey-sense (yes, I just did that) tells me there’s another side to this story that you’re not telling. You ‘intercepted’ a message on his cell phone? What are you, a GESTAPO SPY?

 

 

Never read a man’s cell phone messages or email inbox unless it is with his express permission. Did it make you feel good, finding that message? Did it feel good to snoop around behind your boyfriend’s back and read his inbox? Sure, maybe if you were a GESTAPO SPY it would have made you feel good, but I’m betting you’re just a regular human and it made you feel like crap.

As for the message itself, I dunno, it does seem a little peculiar. The only messages I’ve ever gotten that went to the wrong number have been ‘Please call me’s from people with names like Jabusizwe, Promise, and a guy I let sleep on our couch once for a few weeks because (according to his sign board at the traffic lights) the police arrested his elephant for smoking.

BUT it is entirely within the realm of possibility that someone just sent him the wrong message. Possible. Not probable. But possible.

The sex thing could definitely be work-related. When a man’s tired, he’s less likely to initiate sex and a lot of women don’t have the confidence to fire things up themselves because, let’s face it, men are usually horny bastards who need no encouragement.

 

 

Try initiate things if you haven’t already, if this still doesn’t work, at least give him the benefit of the doubt until whatever this ‘big project’ he’s working on is over. If things don’t spice up after that, watch for the following tell-tale signs he’s cheating:

 

  • He smells like woman’s perfume, and not your perfume (though, in a way that would be more fucked up) someone ELSES perfume
  • He has fresh condoms in his wallet / glove box / dinner jacket he went out in for a company function only to come back at 4 in the morning smelling like VAGINA
  • There are hairs in your bed, long ones, that aren’t yours
  • There is a woman in your bed, shedding that hair while she rides your boyfriend like a merry-go-round pony, that isn’t you

 

In all seriousness though, there is only ever one rational answer to the question ‘Am I overreacting?’ when asked by a woman, and that answer is ‘yes’.

Confront him with your fears if this weirdness persists, you owe him that much. Otherwise let that sms go and always remember, if he thinks he’s found someone who is better than you, cut that stupid asshole out of your life and move on because clearly he doesn’t know a good thing when he finds it ;)

Hope this helps!

-ST

———————————————————————————————————————————-

Remember, if you have difficulties with life in any way, size, shape or form, you too can Tell The Tiger by simply mailing him on tellthetiger@gmail.com and he will do his level best to address your troubles or your money back!


8 Responses to “Tell The Tiger (Episode 4)”


  1. 1 Thomas
    April 23, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    If you lack trust to the point that you checked his phome, the relationship is over. Period.

    You can rationalise your reasons however you like, but the fact of the matter is that the trust between you is irreparably broken. Time to move on.

    Additionally, you need to stop checking immediately. Stalk his Facebook or whatever normal, unhealthy post-relationship activity you like, but reading her phone messages is just creepy.

    Next stop; carving his eyes out in every picture you have of him and wearing the jersey he left behind while you cry in the dark, clutching his stray hairs you found in the sink at your place. Or whatever floats the boat.

    • 2 blueyedgrrl
      April 24, 2010 at 2:13 pm

      What rubbish, i wasn’t spying on him, he was driving and asked me to check his phone when the message arrived! I’d never sneak around reading his messages! Our trust isn’t ‘ireparably broken’ just because of that, please! DOn’t be so dramatic!

      • 3 Thomas
        April 25, 2010 at 5:16 pm

        Holy contradiction batman!

        You wrote;

        “I read all his cell phone messages last week, but didn’t find any others from that number, he walked in before I could read his sent items though.”

        He walked in as he was driving? Make your mind up. You wern’t spying as you read ALL his messages? He interupted you before you could read them all? Righttttttt………. you would so never spy on him! How could I be so silly!!!!

        I can see your process of thought though:

        So, like, the other day I was reading the slicktiger website, and I saw the total, like, genius which is tell the tiger. I mean, klapping the gym boet? AMAZING! Like, that is soooo funny! And then, like, I was sitting with my girls drinking some cosmos, and they were like, ‘OMG! blueeyedgirl, you are totally way clever enough to write, like, a question and see all that kak slick writes back to you’, and I thought, like ya, I am! So this question, and, like it’s for all my girls who are ,like, totally sick of sneak guys. Like, three can play at that game! (Can I get a ‘whoop whoop’ from my girls?!)

  2. April 26, 2010 at 9:08 am

    Good God! One of them wrote back!

    Ok, Thomas, be cool man, don’t frighten her away. blueeyedgirl, if I’ve got it right, you ‘intercepted’ the first message while driving and then read through all the rest later?

    I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here, your mail sounded legit, but please note, if you want to use this forum to post bullshit questions, please make them a little more exciting.

    -ST

  3. 5 blueyedgrrl
    April 26, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Heres a bullshit question for you, why do you let that other guy write advice on your site? So you can gang upon the people who write to you? Nice
    any girls reading this take note, no1 takes you seriously on this site!

  4. 6 Megs
    April 26, 2010 at 11:33 am

    What ? I take the tiger and his site VERY seriously …

    • April 26, 2010 at 11:52 am

      THANK YOU Megs! You rock the fucking planet :)

      And blueyedgrrl, for the record, I did take your mail seriously (didn’t you READ my reply?!) and I’m sticking with my guns because after reading your responses to the comments here, you definitely strike me as the overreacting type and probably your boyfriend isn’t cheating, you’re just freaking out.

      Remember, many reliable sources indicate that life might not be the super-serious event people make it out to be. In fact, it could all be one big joke.

      Learn to smile and you’ll be just fine ;)

      -ST

  5. May 4, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    I liked the first and third pictures. The second one was indeed a bit scary.


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